Baudahilia and Bormahna
come walking
a stimulus
Baudahilia gives to Pahn
a scrambled word
Bormahna looks in Pahn’s eyes
in her questioning way
Baudahilia turns to leave
without unscrambling
Pahn can’t figure out
the word she gave
…
At Lake Tahoe
in the snow
Pahn comes to a counter
the kind of place
where skates
would be
rented
but
he has come
to get dressed
is the clerk
helping
people
with
their clothes
Pahn sees her doubt
leading to distraction
He sees her trust
open to betray
She doesn’t want this job
She is
being funny
She is worried
depressed underneath
There are things
she can’t figure out
are behind Pahn
He
can’t decide what to wear
Going behind the counter
to a stall
rummaging around his clothes
in a bag on the floor
like
an anagram
he finds a pair of jeans
The stall has no door
Rakhehla’s supervisor
is standing near
A female customer
is looking in
Pahn feels
that he shouldn’t undress
in front of these people
but he slips off his shorts
and changes anyway
Rakhehla
needs his help
She needs
to talk to
him
She has
been fired
She missed too many days
She was too scattered
Pahn feels guilty
thinking
he distracted her further
She is talking to her boss—
Charlie Rose
Pahn is
uncertain now
what it is that Rakhehla does here
She
suggests
that she is
good at filling in
She
wants a job
filling in
for others
Charlie
says
“Yes
you are
good at filling in”
and he
says
“You can have the job”
…
Pahn and his family
are
driving around a town that is a cross between
his
childhood and Lake Tahoe
with
damp coastal air
They stop at various stores
but never find
what they are looking for
…
Pahn is at work
with a woman
like a
therapist for someone else
gray
and rounded
gnome-like
she calls Pahn
“Jonathon”
but before he can explain who he is
the fire alarm sounds
He goes
outside with the gray woman
to where
a crowd of co-workers has gathered
They find
Jehmz
Jehmz is looking to the West
and soon
everyone
is pointing
to a grassy hill
partly obscured by trees
where there is
an old
but well kept house
with smoke
coming from its chimney
muffled explosions
coughing fumes
Pahn sees now
that it has become a large factory
made of tan brick
He is thinking it must be
a dream
because
one building
can’t
change
into
another
but
this
can’t be a dream
because
he
is at work
and work is of the real world
imploding
professionally
demolished
though everyone is cheering
Aiks
who has appeared behind them
expresses sadness
and loss
Pahn doesn’t share her feelings of loss
because the building
though it was old
wasn’t very pretty
and no
longer had a use
Going back a different way
Pahn parts company
with the gray woman
finally telling her his real name—
Their meeting
he thinks
has not gone well
It was mixed up
and interrupted
like letters of a word
interposed
and
separated
…
Pahn enters an unfamiliar university
with
anticipation
exploring
through a double door
into an auditorium
in the back
there is a class
behind a curtain
emanating the sounds of dance instruction
He has a sense that Rakhehla is there
and walks back to see
The
building is large
and empty
like the factory
that was demolished
It is the kind of place
that Rakhehla
would be drawn to
At the back
the class begins
and Pahn is not wanted
He turns to go
but the room has filled
with
basketball players
shooting
hoops
Pahn doesn’t want to disturb their game
He knows there must be a back passage
and goes
through many doors searching
At some point
he is at
the top of a stair that ends in a cubby
and there
he opens a vent
that blows cool
fresh air
but there is no way out
so in the end
he walks
through the hall
carrying a beach ball
without
looking
to
see if anyone notices
or disapproves
of his
presence
or his
stance…
…He is in the mess
walking past the counters of food
and tables of students
He finds Daphnis
sitting with a friend
doing an assignment
The second problem
he
has solved—
making a word from the letters in
“aardvark”
and
“Alligator”
but the first problem
involves
“parakeet”
and
“hippopotamus”
and he can’t figure it out
Pahn realizes as he watches Daphnis
that he wants to know
where Rakhehla is
and how she is doing
and he can’t concentrate
at a loss
on his son’s problem
and the
best he can come up with
is
“CLESE MES S”
That can’t
be right
this confusion
this guilt
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