Dimphna's Blog
.
Elongated
prostrate .....in a dry and cool position ....Pahn
arranges the apparition before him
..........trying to draw hue ............and meaning
from Dimphna’s spirit..........
........as evidenced
..........................in her casual words
.....................................pasted on the internet
..........He sees
..........a series of small
...............circles in a column
...........describing
..............her smooth
................small features
..............................and sleepy humility ...a certain
.........simple contentedness
.....without great force
........................or sharp edges ..........Her image
...................................a matte saint’s card
..................................of primary colors
..................dissolving
...................and reappearing
....................with his uneven sleep
prostrate .....in a dry and cool position ....Pahn
arranges the apparition before him
..........trying to draw hue ............and meaning
from Dimphna’s spirit..........
........as evidenced
..........................in her casual words
.....................................pasted on the internet
..........He sees
..........a series of small
...............circles in a column
...........describing
..............her smooth
................small features
..............................and sleepy humility ...a certain
.........simple contentedness
.....without great force
........................or sharp edges ..........Her image
...................................a matte saint’s card
..................................of primary colors
..................dissolving
...................and reappearing
....................with his uneven sleep
.
Confidence
.
…Pahn
as a woman ...walks
in a bare
modern ...middle-class
hallway to the door
that he (she) has
forgotten how to open ...while
his (her) husband calls from the next room
“It’s Mother”
and Pahn muttering ...clears
the debris from the entry
.....................“It’s Mother” ........imagining
a small ...elderly ...ill-tempered woman
When Pahn turns
back from the door
he is a detective investigating a robbery…
…after inspecting the house...................................
Pahn walks ......................................
down another hall ............................
...................to a room like a children’s church
as a woman ...walks
in a bare
modern ...middle-class
hallway to the door
that he (she) has
forgotten how to open ...while
his (her) husband calls from the next room
“It’s Mother”
and Pahn muttering ...clears
the debris from the entry
.....................“It’s Mother” ........imagining
a small ...elderly ...ill-tempered woman
When Pahn turns
back from the door
he is a detective investigating a robbery…
…after inspecting the house...................................
Pahn walks ......................................
down another hall ............................
...................to a room like a children’s church
...................considering
a list of things that thieves might steal .........things
that could be sold for cash
jewelry.........
electronics ....
even ...paintings................
though he sees no artwork in the house
The list becomes...................................................
a collection of words that visitors
have found in envelopes ....and
.............taken with them as they left .....leaving
...................the discarded wrappers in the lobby by the
a list of things that thieves might steal .........things
that could be sold for cash
jewelry.........
electronics ....
even ...paintings................
though he sees no artwork in the house
The list becomes...................................................
a collection of words that visitors
have found in envelopes ....and
.............taken with them as they left .....leaving
...................the discarded wrappers in the lobby by the
exit…
…Pahn has found
Ahnaheeta in the church .......leaning
over a plastic barrel of water
and when Pahn comes up to her
she stands up straight
and reads to herself
a list of attributes on the wall
and says
“you look into the bucket and
.............................it tells you something about yourself today”
so Pahn looks......................................................
into the bucket and considers.................
the schema on the wall.............
and sees that it has changed
He cannot know what Ahnaheeta’s schema was
The chart consists................................................
of a series of characteristics..................
with a numerical rating........................
for current levels .............and
he finds to his surprise........................
that he is
............................above all else
confident…
…Walking
through an oak savannah
along a road
at the bottom of an empty reservoir ...he marvels
that he is confident ...because
he had always thought
..........................that he wasn’t ..........and wonders
..................... “If it isn’t lack of confidence
…Pahn has found
Ahnaheeta in the church .......leaning
over a plastic barrel of water
and when Pahn comes up to her
she stands up straight
and reads to herself
a list of attributes on the wall
and says
“you look into the bucket and
.............................it tells you something about yourself today”
so Pahn looks......................................................
into the bucket and considers.................
the schema on the wall.............
and sees that it has changed
He cannot know what Ahnaheeta’s schema was
The chart consists................................................
of a series of characteristics..................
with a numerical rating........................
for current levels .............and
he finds to his surprise........................
that he is
............................above all else
confident…
…Walking
through an oak savannah
along a road
at the bottom of an empty reservoir ...he marvels
that he is confident ...because
he had always thought
..........................that he wasn’t ..........and wonders
..................... “If it isn’t lack of confidence
then...............................
.............................it must be something else”
.
.............................it must be something else”
.
Fluid Riot
A young woman with
long
dark
curly hair walks
out of a building
in an old
suburban
strip mall
across the parking
lot
smiling at Pahn
in a town
resembling his hometown
They go
into a small store
that still
glows with fifties
puce and
she takes him
into the back to
meet her father
who is an old
dark-skinned
man with
short grey
beard and hair
overalls and
the shape
of Alfred
Hitchcock speaking
in that patient
friendly
Louisiana drawl…
…Pahn is with Lisa
Gay Hamilton
in a happier
role
walking the
sidewalk
up Santa Cruz
avenue
to the grocery
store
where the dark
haired woman’s father
is having a
dispute…
…a large group of
fluid
generic rioters
rush the old store throwing
a green barrel
through the door and Pahn
fears for the
dark-haired woman’s family looking
for a phone booth to call the police—
he sees one booth
by the store
but it is too
close to the riot
so he walks back
up the avenue to find
another with
townspeople rushing past him and
sees the
police are already coming and
turning around the crowd has
already thinned
so he walks back down
to the store again
to find the crowd
has gone…
…inside the store
with the
dark-haired woman he walks
into
the back
and down the stairs
where her plump
and friendly mother
is calmly
sweeping the last
of the debris into
the basement
filled
to a depth of two feet with clear
green-tinted water and Pahn
wonders how they
will get it out
He assumes
from the mother’s
demeanor
that there must be
an easy drain
Ignored
.
…walking in the door Pahn finds
a grayish
wooden room with
a row of windows on the far wall
There is a group of people ....forming
an irregular circle ....engaged in
some sort of meeting ...........that
does not concern Pahn ..........The group
seems to have
a left...............................
................................and a right
the left being closer ...and more familiar
the right being farther away and only vaguely
in Pahn’s view ..........As he encroaches
on the left side of the circle ...Djuturna
strides across the left lobe
and hugs him casually .......introducing him
to the left crowd
Pahn feels ...that Djuturna
is inhibited in this setting ...and yearns
hopelessly for more of her
He passes around the back side of the circle
along the windows toward the right
and finds Ahstrild ...staring out into the light
her hands on the lintel ......like a small child
and Pahn thinks
that she doesn’t see him ...intentionally
but as he approaches she says
“Hi Pahn”
without turning around
and he tries to engage her
but she keeps staring away
....................................fidgeting
like an unresponsive toddler
and he feels that she is still mad at him
after all these years
He moves on..................................................
..................past the strangers
............................................and leaves the room…
a grayish
wooden room with
a row of windows on the far wall
There is a group of people ....forming
an irregular circle ....engaged in
some sort of meeting ...........that
does not concern Pahn ..........The group
seems to have
a left...............................
................................and a right
the left being closer ...and more familiar
the right being farther away and only vaguely
in Pahn’s view ..........As he encroaches
on the left side of the circle ...Djuturna
strides across the left lobe
and hugs him casually .......introducing him
to the left crowd
Pahn feels ...that Djuturna
is inhibited in this setting ...and yearns
hopelessly for more of her
He passes around the back side of the circle
along the windows toward the right
and finds Ahstrild ...staring out into the light
her hands on the lintel ......like a small child
and Pahn thinks
that she doesn’t see him ...intentionally
but as he approaches she says
“Hi Pahn”
without turning around
and he tries to engage her
but she keeps staring away
....................................fidgeting
like an unresponsive toddler
and he feels that she is still mad at him
after all these years
He moves on..................................................
..................past the strangers
............................................and leaves the room…
.
Paranoid Schizophrenic and Demon Pinnacles
…Pahn has eaten
at a restaurant with Aiks
in the town where he was raised
He has tried to
find a bathroom in vain
He and Aiks
have started
walking North
through the waste area along the freeway
where he used
to explore as a child
but when they
come to the place
where the creek
used to flow into the city
he finds
instead an unexpected mountain
with cliffs and
pinnacles
Pahn walks with
Aiks
along the
freeway
with its ever-changing view
As they round the
end
of the mountain they
see
unobscured
in the distance
a broad cascading macramé
of water
falling
into a small valley…
…Pahn and Aiks
have descended
to the river that comes
from the
falls
It flows a deep murky grey-blue
through a ruin of riverfront
factories where naked frames
of girders rise from the
water and the shore
There are
many swimmers here
Pahn and Aiks
walk into the river
and swim upstream weaving
around the beams careful of their knees seeking
the cleaner lonelier lands
upriver where
the water flows
over rocks and is
clear to the bottom
Beyond the ruins
they come to a wild
and undeveloped landscape
where
they leave the river
through the dry
pastures
toward
a grove of pines
looking
for a place to camp
They come upon a
couple camping
with an angry
paranoid-schizophrenic
friend…
… back to the river
where it flows
now over
rocks
and
gravel
in a dry valley
of meadows and boulders
they find in the pools
giant enchanted carp
And looking back
downriver to
the slower water
they see
the paranoid-schizophrenic swimming
with a knife…
…They walk back
out
behind
the mountain
toward the town
to the ‘little girls room’
like a doghouse
too small for Pahn
that doesn’t even
have
a real toilet
(although Aiks had
used it first somehow)
so they go back to the river
and swim
downstream imagining
the
paranoid-schizophrenic
following them
As they glide in the deep water into the steel ruins again
they pass a crocodile/dinosaur whose back breaks
the surface and adds to their
uneasiness but looking
behind to see if anyone or anything
is still following
they see only
a dog
Aiks thinks the dog is after her
but Pahn sees
that it has a
tennis ball and only wants
to play
and Pahn throws
the tennis ball
for
it to fetch
Finally they
return to the river entrance
where they turn to look where
they have been and see
in the distance
the mountain pinnacles
in demon
shapes
dancing
and singing
Pahn
still needing a bathroom
walks into the
adjacent field and tilts over
a picnic table (as a screen)
but is uncomfortable
under the
overhanging eyes
of the demon spires
The Most Beautiful
.
… Pahn has been wandering
He comes to a woman resembling
...................................Eealohna
She is sitting calmly
He sees her pale.......
and uneven skin........
brown hair ...He touches lightly
her wrist .....and face
saying
“you are the most beautiful woman”
she doesn’t know
that he is telling the truth
and kindly says
“you are sweet”
He understands
the fragility
of his position
and his fundamental
unworthiness
He knows
that he wanders
...................in his dreams
and
he knows
.................that he
won’t be able
to keep her..................
.
He comes to a woman resembling
...................................Eealohna
She is sitting calmly
He sees her pale.......
and uneven skin........
brown hair ...He touches lightly
her wrist .....and face
saying
“you are the most beautiful woman”
she doesn’t know
that he is telling the truth
and kindly says
“you are sweet”
He understands
the fragility
of his position
and his fundamental
unworthiness
He knows
that he wanders
...................in his dreams
and
he knows
.................that he
won’t be able
to keep her..................
.
A Father
.
Pahn has crossed under the insulated wire at the boundary
of the map of his childhood yard…
…he is swimming
among icebergs ..........in deep
........and obscure water
...............................................There are
young people ..........around him
following
............................the poetry instructor
The water is dark .....at first
and cloudy..............................
then alternately......
arctic blue........................................
Pahn has a sense
..........................of a blue woman nearby
The water is not cold
and when
he pushes against ......a large iceberg
.....................................to see if he can move it
his hands...................................................
sink into slush............................
He pushes it
.................toward
...............the open ocean ........but worries
that it may
...................collide with a boat
He grabs another....smaller iceberg..............
..............................................to use.. as a float
....................................but when he pulls it
................beneath him
it begins to sink.......................
and when he rescues it
and brings it back
...........................................to the surface
it is an infant
swaddled in wet cotton
.............He starts to swim ...toward
............dry land .....but is caught
in a tangle of laces ...and shoes
on the feet of other students...................
stuck on another sinking chunk.....................................
of ice...........................................................................
and he has to free himself..................................................
with one hand .........as he holds
......................................the baby above water
with the other
…he is swimming
among icebergs ..........in deep
........and obscure water
...............................................There are
young people ..........around him
following
............................the poetry instructor
The water is dark .....at first
and cloudy..............................
then alternately......
arctic blue........................................
Pahn has a sense
..........................of a blue woman nearby
The water is not cold
and when
he pushes against ......a large iceberg
.....................................to see if he can move it
his hands...................................................
sink into slush............................
He pushes it
.................toward
...............the open ocean ........but worries
that it may
...................collide with a boat
He grabs another....smaller iceberg..............
..............................................to use.. as a float
....................................but when he pulls it
................beneath him
it begins to sink.......................
and when he rescues it
and brings it back
...........................................to the surface
it is an infant
swaddled in wet cotton
.............He starts to swim ...toward
............dry land .....but is caught
in a tangle of laces ...and shoes
on the feet of other students...................
stuck on another sinking chunk.....................................
of ice...........................................................................
and he has to free himself..................................................
with one hand .........as he holds
......................................the baby above water
with the other
.
..........Successfull
..........Successfull
...................he glides
.....................................to the surface
.........................................................again
a father
.
.
With Djuturna Again
…in a small room
like a sound studio
with windows…
…into
a larger room Aiks
is sitting engaged
in a task like knitting and
Pahn is talking to
her friendly
as he turns
to Djuturna
who is standing
naked by
the bed engaging Pahn
steps over to her
saying
“lie on your
stomach”
and she laughs
and lies as he has
said
while Pahn drapes
over her
He
feels vaguely
that he is moving
in and out of her
but
is unsure if he is long
enough
to stay inside so laughing
at
himself suggests
“Sometimes
it is better from the front”
She
turns over
like
a spider her legs
splaying
wide and
holding out
her
arms to embrace him
as
he lies down
on her
again
uncertain of his needs
Small Dark Lips
.
.....For a moment Pahn
......is sitting in the row
......of seats at the top
.....of a small theatre .....though
.....the seats face
................................the projection room
..........................................and not the screen
and the girl .....who
is Daphnis’ love
is by his side
....................................and Pahn is comfortable
.........as she becomes
...................................representative
.............of other small
........dark
........................young women
.................................like Ahnkahmna
They stand by the entrance...............
.........Pahn thinking
.................he has liberty
............to kiss .........and he leans
...............down to the changed young woman’s mouth
......is sitting in the row
......of seats at the top
.....of a small theatre .....though
.....the seats face
................................the projection room
..........................................and not the screen
and the girl .....who
is Daphnis’ love
is by his side
....................................and Pahn is comfortable
.........as she becomes
...................................representative
.............of other small
........dark
........................young women
.................................like Ahnkahmna
They stand by the entrance...............
.........Pahn thinking
.................he has liberty
............to kiss .........and he leans
...............down to the changed young woman’s mouth
...................meeting loosely her lips
.................making
.........a cavern ........where their tongues
........search
......lonely
.........a cavern ........where their tongues
........search
......lonely
about...........
.
The Zen Didgeridoo
.
“Zen dog dreams of medium-sized bone” ...............................
—From a greeting card...............................
…in an integrated
.......................living room
vaguely bamboo..... brown
and light green
Pahn’s lips
.....................vibrate inside
the Zen
didgeridoo
as wide
as his
thigh
He is
surprised
that he is
suddenly
able to
breathe
and blow
together
and
attributes
this ability
to the
size of
—From a greeting card...............................
…in an integrated
.......................living room
vaguely bamboo..... brown
and light green
Pahn’s lips
.....................vibrate inside
the Zen
didgeridoo
as wide
as his
thigh
He is
surprised
that he is
suddenly
able to
breathe
and blow
together
and
attributes
this ability
to the
size of
the Zen.........
.
Suicide Memorial
.
…from an environment.............................
of unpainted ...bleached..............
blue-grey clapboard ...Pahn
takes the short-cut down
a dirt road at dusk
through private property .....He knows
there are
two gates .....The first........................
will be open ...and the second
.....................................will be locked
He is momentarily confident
Beyond the first gate
his car glides on soft .....residential ...dirt
along a fence ...in a wild garden
of pines and shrubs ...past the old woman’s house
.......set deep in the vegetation... showing only
...................its wood and dark .....divided
.....................................................windows
Coming to the second gate ...he thinks
..................................he has the combination
...........................................and leaves his car
but as he leans down...........
....................toward the wood and wire
a red and white..........
...........................sheriff’s ride
..............................stops behind
The sheriff gets out..........................
and pulls phone cord.........
...........from beneath Pahn’s bumper
....................and quickly ...ties the hood open
...................................................in anger
explaining as he calms..............
“The old woman’s daughter
pestered her to death”
and Pahn responds....................
“What has that got to do
with me?”
The sheriff walks with Pahn
back up the road .....then turns around
and gesturing
at the rails on the fence .......carved for its length
...........................................with crowded names
sadly sighs...................
“So many suicides”
taking chalk he inscribes
..................something illegible
...........................................on the rail
another name
.......................and Pahn wonders
................................by the damp
..................................................littoral (literal?) fringe
.........................................what he has done
of unpainted ...bleached..............
blue-grey clapboard ...Pahn
takes the short-cut down
a dirt road at dusk
through private property .....He knows
there are
two gates .....The first........................
will be open ...and the second
.....................................will be locked
He is momentarily confident
Beyond the first gate
his car glides on soft .....residential ...dirt
along a fence ...in a wild garden
of pines and shrubs ...past the old woman’s house
.......set deep in the vegetation... showing only
...................its wood and dark .....divided
.....................................................windows
Coming to the second gate ...he thinks
..................................he has the combination
...........................................and leaves his car
but as he leans down...........
....................toward the wood and wire
a red and white..........
...........................sheriff’s ride
..............................stops behind
The sheriff gets out..........................
and pulls phone cord.........
...........from beneath Pahn’s bumper
....................and quickly ...ties the hood open
...................................................in anger
explaining as he calms..............
“The old woman’s daughter
pestered her to death”
and Pahn responds....................
“What has that got to do
with me?”
The sheriff walks with Pahn
back up the road .....then turns around
and gesturing
at the rails on the fence .......carved for its length
...........................................with crowded names
sadly sighs...................
“So many suicides”
taking chalk he inscribes
..................something illegible
...........................................on the rail
another name
.......................and Pahn wonders
................................by the damp
..................................................littoral (literal?) fringe
.........................................what he has done
.
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