Many Goldfish Swimming
After the Flood
The Photographer and his Wife
Chocolate
The Drawing of a Dream
Living in a Barn
Dreaming Mounds
No Return Mail
Presence
Reconstruction
Karl
A Hole in the Fence
Out of the Gaping Mouth
In Pahn's Garden
Lying
Goldfish
A Common Thread
The New World
The Separation
Testing the Water
.
Many Goldfish Swimming
.
On profusion
of stones
camped
on a gray gravel bar
arising by a creek
low
exposed sand and driftwood
signs of people
Ahgreyeuss Pahn crosses
the heavy morning
noting a presence
On profusion
of stones
camped
on a gray gravel bar
arising by a creek
low
exposed sand and driftwood
signs of people
Ahgreyeuss Pahn crosses
the heavy morning
noting a presence
which elicits fear
and he hides
joining
others in his fear
They conceal together behind a log
wondering if they are safe
Knowing that the creek
must go somewhere
they follow it
As they parallel its course
the water turns black
and there are pools with
familiar
darkness and goldfish
They come to a place where
a trickle comes
into the creek from the side
over a small but aesthetic
waterfall—
it is Ahgreyeuss Pahn’s
built of his hand
and so he stays here
while the others go on…
…Ahgreyeuss visits a house of young uniformed people
where there are three girls visiting
from Japan…
…he meets them later in a bar
in the smoke
and colored lights
among tables
and glass
by the surly at the counter
and he hides
joining
others in his fear
They conceal together behind a log
wondering if they are safe
Knowing that the creek
must go somewhere
they follow it
As they parallel its course
the water turns black
and there are pools with
familiar
darkness and goldfish
They come to a place where
a trickle comes
into the creek from the side
over a small but aesthetic
waterfall—
it is Ahgreyeuss Pahn’s
built of his hand
and so he stays here
while the others go on…
…Ahgreyeuss visits a house of young uniformed people
where there are three girls visiting
from Japan…
…he meets them later in a bar
in the smoke
and colored lights
among tables
and glass
by the surly at the counter
They sit
listening to the lottery
Ahgreyeuss has many tickets
but he is not lucky
He looks up from his tickets
and finds
that the third girl
is gone
In his wondering
he listens
and hears a squeaking—
a chair
a door
a boot
perhaps
but not so near
a scream—
he listens
and hears a squeaking—
a chair
a door
a boot
perhaps
but not so near
a scream—
he worries
He runs around the block
He searches for her
with a flashlight in dawn
out by the harbor
in the grey and water
hunting the presence
to see if it has taken her
He runs around the block
He searches for her
with a flashlight in dawn
out by the harbor
in the grey and water
hunting the presence
to see if it has taken her
The sky lightens
there is nothing there
but lily pads
He crosses the heavy morning
of the estuary
back to the hills and creek
to the fall
and flooding—
it has rained
and
downstream from the black rocks
left
lying
at the stages
of the flood
are
lines
of dead
goldfish
Ahnjehlia
greets
him
"Still"
she remarks
“In the grey ponds look!
The flood has left
many goldfish
swimming”
.
.
After the Flood
Rain
and under water green lowlands
Sitting inside
then through sliding door
water glassy
on the walks
slick
in the air
with every grey
coming down from the sky
already soggy
yesterday
now
in the evening
in the dusk and drowning
Ahgreyeuss goes out into the wet
to visit with creeks
and drag the woods for dead
Silt
washes off the leaves
clear overflowing streams
and cows have come up from flooded pastures
to Ahgreyeuss Pahn’s wood
He sees glistening dung
the color of the smoke
of burning oak-wood
Mostly water the cows have
eaten
drunk
breathed
tread
The first one comes
staggers
drops
drowned in the sodden air
Ahgreyeuss pulls her from his creek
black
shiny
He searches for dark
beauty
The mounds
and carcasses
on the sod
and sinking into the ground
will begin to smell
He worries briefly
but comes to think
these mounds
and under water green lowlands
Sitting inside
then through sliding door
water glassy
on the walks
slick
in the air
with every grey
coming down from the sky
already soggy
yesterday
now
in the evening
in the dusk and drowning
Ahgreyeuss goes out into the wet
to visit with creeks
and drag the woods for dead
Silt
washes off the leaves
clear overflowing streams
and cows have come up from flooded pastures
to Ahgreyeuss Pahn’s wood
He sees glistening dung
the color of the smoke
of burning oak-wood
Mostly water the cows have
eaten
drunk
breathed
tread
The first one comes
staggers
drops
drowned in the sodden air
Ahgreyeuss pulls her from his creek
black
shiny
He searches for dark
beauty
The mounds
and carcasses
on the sod
and sinking into the ground
will begin to smell
He worries briefly
but comes to think
these mounds
will rot rich
The Photographer and his Wife
Alone
sitting
sniffing to realize
the mold
wet north
in a wooden ghost house
Victorian
bare
broken and no-ones
climbing out to the balcony
and traversing
the knobs and ledges
clutching to wet
graham cracker shingles
digging feet into the rotting wood
descending to
the ground floor
On a porch
Ahgreyeuss Pahn finds living here
a photographer and a woman
looking at photographs of dreams
There is a dream of nearby
The woman standing
by a small cave
sitting
sniffing to realize
the mold
wet north
in a wooden ghost house
Victorian
bare
broken and no-ones
climbing out to the balcony
and traversing
the knobs and ledges
clutching to wet
graham cracker shingles
digging feet into the rotting wood
descending to
the ground floor
On a porch
Ahgreyeuss Pahn finds living here
a photographer and a woman
looking at photographs of dreams
There is a dream of nearby
The woman standing
by a small cave
There is slanting rain
It is only striking her face
It is only striking her face
between shadow
and limbs
There is a dream of a man in bed
There is a dream of a man in bed
Faceless
No background
Ahgreyeuss says
“This is a real dream”
…
The three of them journey south on foot
No background
Ahgreyeuss says
“This is a real dream”
…
The three of them journey south on foot
through mountains coastal and damp
going home
Soon
they have come to
the Sacramento River
going home
Soon
they have come to
the Sacramento River
too wide to swim or wade
across looking
for a bridge…
…now in a car
the photographer drives
very fast and curvy
through grassland
outcrop hills
so fast
across looking
for a bridge…
…now in a car
the photographer drives
very fast and curvy
through grassland
outcrop hills
so fast
that Pahn’s body is thrown out of the car
The photographer pulls over
and stops
to search for Pahn’s body
The photographer pulls over
and stops
to search for Pahn’s body
over barbed wire
down cattle roads
toward the river They are
chased off by ranchers
They
go down to a creek
to get around them
Looking for a bridge again
they wade in
chest deep
down cattle roads
toward the river They are
chased off by ranchers
They
go down to a creek
to get around them
Looking for a bridge again
they wade in
chest deep
pushing upstream between
vertical sandstone walls
covered with inscriptions
that darken
and deepen as they wade
becoming carvings and caves
from which come
faceless spirit-people
in the deep and muddy
calm
who menace intangibly
From upstream
floating
comes a basketball
Ahgreyeuss Pahn grabs it holds it up
to the spirit people
and they disperse
He throws it at them
and they smudge away
that darken
and deepen as they wade
becoming carvings and caves
from which come
faceless spirit-people
in the deep and muddy
calm
who menace intangibly
From upstream
floating
comes a basketball
Ahgreyeuss Pahn grabs it holds it up
to the spirit people
and they disperse
He throws it at them
and they smudge away
Having cleared the air
Ahgreyeuss wades by himself
to where the shore slopes southward
and he climbs into the hills
to find
his translucent-light-blue-wife
lying sleeping
From the Artemisia and stones
Ahgreyeuss wades by himself
to where the shore slopes southward
and he climbs into the hills
to find
his translucent-light-blue-wife
lying sleeping
From the Artemisia and stones
he lifts her
She smiles
and the two of them begin
She smiles
and the two of them begin
to walk
back
Chocolate
.On a riverboat
as Pahn steps into a room
a man steps out
Pahn means to think nothing of this
but cries instead
and Rakhehla holds him
and she sings to him
his old songs
and though he can’t decide if she understands them
or if knowing them (him)
makes a difference
finally he feels something
even if it isn’t love
and so it is time to join the men
Pahn sits with laughers
friends of hers
They eat chocolate
Pahn eats chocolate
and laughs too
Pahn sees the price—
eight dollars
for one big slab
and there are many
Leaving the steamboat
he walks
and something is wrong
His sister
Ahnjehlia
garden and heather
sits near a gate
upset
Pahn asks why
She won’t answer
but her stomach is sick and coming up
Pahn speculates that she
as Pahn steps into a room
a man steps out
Pahn means to think nothing of this
but cries instead
and Rakhehla holds him
and she sings to him
his old songs
and though he can’t decide if she understands them
or if knowing them (him)
makes a difference
finally he feels something
even if it isn’t love
and so it is time to join the men
Pahn sits with laughers
friends of hers
They eat chocolate
Pahn eats chocolate
and laughs too
Pahn sees the price—
eight dollars
for one big slab
and there are many
Leaving the steamboat
he walks
and something is wrong
His sister
Ahnjehlia
garden and heather
sits near a gate
upset
Pahn asks why
She won’t answer
but her stomach is sick and coming up
Pahn speculates that she
has eaten too much chocolate
.
.
The Drawing of a Dream
…In disheveled
in student housing
kitchen and cupboard
doors leading
to the private quarters
in student housing
kitchen and cupboard
doors leading
to the private quarters
alone
Ahgreyeuss Pahn
is an anxious stranger
A woman comes in from privacy
freckled dark
Ahgreyeuss Pahn
is an anxious stranger
A woman comes in from privacy
freckled dark
to eat toast
ignoring Pahn…
…Pahn walks through a door
to find a studio
large modern..
bone white walls
easels
canvas
drop-cloth
A photographer takes pictures
of his girlfriend
while Pahn gets in his way
Pahn looks out over the fields and woods
lies down covering himself
with a white sleeping bag
He listens
to other rooms
through the heating vent
The photographer (now an artist) is a little annoyed
but Pahn seems to have a place here—
no longer a stranger…
ignoring Pahn…
…Pahn walks through a door
to find a studio
large modern..
bone white walls
easels
canvas
drop-cloth
A photographer takes pictures
of his girlfriend
while Pahn gets in his way
Pahn looks out over the fields and woods
lies down covering himself
with a white sleeping bag
He listens
to other rooms
through the heating vent
The photographer (now an artist) is a little annoyed
but Pahn seems to have a place here—
no longer a stranger…
…Now he possesses the place
modern mansion
wearing a suit
drinking
looking over his spring estate
expecting friends
They arrive in an old station wagon
rusted and muddied
A woman stands near them
modern mansion
wearing a suit
drinking
looking over his spring estate
expecting friends
They arrive in an old station wagon
rusted and muddied
A woman stands near them
and though she resembles
a pleasant waitress
that he met in Portland
at a Thai restaurant
she is
in fact evil
and of the
CIA
She drives a square business car
and tells Pahn’s friends that they cannot park
in the place where they have parked
and she threatens Pahn also
a pleasant waitress
that he met in Portland
at a Thai restaurant
she is
in fact evil
and of the
CIA
She drives a square business car
and tells Pahn’s friends that they cannot park
in the place where they have parked
and she threatens Pahn also
In disbelief
Pahn is livid
and throws her to the ground
to hurt her
tearing her clothes
and lying on top of her
But stopping to wonder
at his own actions
Pahn ceases
thinking
“I will get in trouble
and
“I will get in trouble
and
it is not what I mean”
So he forgets…
….he walks
leaving home and room-mates
to hitchhike…
…the university is his grammar school
He hitchhikes there many times
remembering every ride
Wayland comes by and asks about the drivers
and Pahn says
So he forgets…
….he walks
leaving home and room-mates
to hitchhike…
…the university is his grammar school
He hitchhikes there many times
remembering every ride
Wayland comes by and asks about the drivers
and Pahn says
“They are all good and friendly
and come soon”…
…Pahn is no place now
There is nothing behind him
he looks only
and sees
from no age
no shape
but speaks
to impressions of
people near
Penelopeya
and come soon”…
…Pahn is no place now
There is nothing behind him
he looks only
and sees
from no age
no shape
but speaks
to impressions of
people near
Penelopeya
Ahnjehlia
and another woman
his future bride?
A pair of hands show drawings
Images from his childhood
a spotted dog
Excited
Pahn asks Penelopeya
and another woman
his future bride?
A pair of hands show drawings
Images from his childhood
a spotted dog
Excited
Pahn asks Penelopeya
“Did we have a spotted dog?”
The drawing comes animated
and a dancing woman crosses the lawn in front of their big
white
house
She is
mother
sister
and someone else
Pahn holds a basketball
and he is happy
Mother/sister/other
throws the ball high
The drawing comes animated
and a dancing woman crosses the lawn in front of their big
white
house
She is
mother
sister
and someone else
Pahn holds a basketball
and he is happy
Mother/sister/other
throws the ball high
past hoop and houses
and Pahn exclaims
and Pahn exclaims
“It is as a dream
It will go higher than it could and come
down slowly like in my dreams of falling and
never touch the ground”
so it falls
metamorphosing
to freeze into the drawing as a many colored mushroom
And Pahn asks
“Who drew this wonderful picture of a dream”…
…It is in a book
He is in the library
with Galaksaura
He says
“I didn’t know you animated
Did you draw this”
“Yes”
She says
.
.
Living in a Barn
.The phone rings
Pahn knows it is for him
but there is no one there to answer…
…he is at a river
a shelter
in age and ruin
healing in to the riverbank rotting
away its scar of newness
He doesn’t know what the shelter was for
gear?
tools?
books?
People worked here
Pahn has come to find something
with Rahbin and Ahnjehlia
They sit to look
The river is muddy
and carries things away
There are intimations of the library
and the view from here is the same as it is
from there
except
There is freezer ice
melting with rain
in Wildcat Canyon
distinctly out of proportion
and causing this melt flood
They move about
Crawling
stepping on old boards
loose and rotting
that hint of old men
Pahn knows it is for him
but there is no one there to answer…
…he is at a river
a shelter
in age and ruin
healing in to the riverbank rotting
away its scar of newness
He doesn’t know what the shelter was for
gear?
tools?
books?
People worked here
Pahn has come to find something
with Rahbin and Ahnjehlia
They sit to look
The river is muddy
and carries things away
There are intimations of the library
and the view from here is the same as it is
from there
except
There is freezer ice
melting with rain
in Wildcat Canyon
distinctly out of proportion
and causing this melt flood
They move about
Crawling
stepping on old boards
loose and rotting
that hint of old men
Pahn leaves his companions
and enters the shelter
For a moment it is a garage
but Pahn’s mind changes—
it becomes the library
..and in his confusion
he feels shaking
Awakening in his barn
in his bed
he wonders
if he is feeling an earthquake
or if
he has just rolled over in his sleep
The shelter is again a garage
for now
and the earth is indeed shaking
He stands in a stuccoed arch
facing asphalt and power lines
panicked
He runs in circles
until the temblor stops…
…This pavement suggests a city
and there are city folk
talking about the flood
showing Pahn the water marks
on their mobile homes
without showing themselves
The earthquake bids him inside again
It is a school now
He wends through sheets of broken glass
and fallen beams Here
the earthquake has made ghouls
left among the children of this school
and the children who are threatened by the ghouls
ask Pahn to save them
Pahn shatters the ghouls
with splintered boards
as is they were made of glass
and leaves Down the sidewalk
as if he were going somewhere
he walks on a street of real distance
wearing only a towel
to face a real city
lost
People deride his manner of dress
push him down
He comes to the barn again
still no essence
he supposes
this time it is a museum
There is a dark-skinned family
picnicking outside
The father rests by a telephone
off the hook Inside the door is Michael Jackson
talking on another telephone
The father asks Pahn to hang up for him
Pahn hangs up perplexed
Inside
Michael calls his family
The telephones are black
The telephones are always black
There is another family here
down the hall foreign
Penelopeya is with them
She accompanies Pahn outside
and back in again
to see Uncle Lotho
and an auntish woman
who are comparing gold
At last they walk through a door
past the black telephone
into the library
where uncle Lotho
is Pahn’s supervisor
and Pahn is working on a spirit drawing
Uncle Lotho chides Pahn
because this spirit drawing is wrong but what does he know
about spirit drawings anyway?
and he chides Pahn
for leaving old maps out
Pahn wants to leave
but doesn’t know where to go
He goes out back with Penelopeya
and here is the river
the flood receded
Penelopeya does a strange thing—She climbs
high into a maple
and jumps down smiling
Uncle Lotho has come out to watch and he is also
smiling
He says she does this every day
…
Pahn hears the phone ring in his barn
Uncle Lotho answers
hangs up
Penelopeya asks for whom they were calling
Uncle Lotho says it was for
Ahgreyeuss Pahn
But he is not there
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
- ...Logs of Sleep (intro.)
- VOLUME I
- ...Part 1: Recurring Childhood
- ...Part 2: Becoming Pahn (dei-cide)
- ...Part 3: Physical Deprivation
- VOLUME II
- ...Part 4: Aiks
- ...Part 5: Inundation (dei-genesis)
- VOLUME III
- ...Part 6: Awash
- VOLUME IV
- ...Part 7: Edge of Light
- VOLUME V
- ...Part 8: The Quality of Mercy
- ...Part 9: Filled Skin
- ...Part 10: Athehna's Sorrow
- VOLUME VI
- ...Part 11: Tectonic Touch
- ...Part 12: Dim Green
- VOLUME VII
- ...Part 13: The Affection of the Untamed (trans-dei-genesis)
- ...Part 14: A Guide to the Spirit World
- ...Part 15: Patroness of the Shy
- VOLUMEVIII
- ...Part 16: Warm Scandinavian Joy
- ...Part 17: Sending Them Flying
- ...Part 18: Roots and Molds
- VOLUME IX
- ...Part 19:
TABLE OF SPIRITS
- Ahbnoba
- Ahdahn
- Ahgreyeuss
- Ahlaveena
- Ahlmah
- Ahnaheeta
- Ahnjehlia
- Ahnkahmna
- Ahpadeyva
- Ahpsahla
- Ahshehra
- Ahsileess
- Ahstrild
- Aiks
- Athehna
- Baudahilia
- Bormahna
- Daphnis
- Deermid
- Delphina
- Dimphna
- Djuturna
- Druopohss
- Eealohna
- Eeantha
- Eendekoi
- Eeunks
- Egairia
- Ehvair
- Eiriu
- Eithnia
- Er-Illith
- Explanation of Terms
- Freega
- Galaksaura
- Gendenwitha
- Heemir
- Hehrmess
- Hendrik
- Jahneuss
- Jehmz
- Juna
- Junipera
- Khnumis
- Kohmohss
- Ku
- Kulehna
- Kwahnyinn
- Lakhehsis
- Leenaiyos
- Lehsohveekha
- Litteljahn
- Lukh
- Mahreekah
- Maiya
- Mayahri
- Mehlia
- Mehtztlee
- Meydhv
- Mookdóph
- Nomioss
- Nuneh
- Pahn
- Penelopeya
- Phaithohn
- Pholoa
- Phthona
- Piteuss
- Pluta
- Rahbin
- Rakhehla
- Sehrahahl
- Shahn
- Shocheeka
- Sihn
- Theya
- Toor
- Tsovinar
- Vehlona
- Vehsta
- Wayland
- Yahpehtos
- Yaohwa
- Zeyeuss
- Zhoonév
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Some of these poems originally appeared in the following publications
Avocet
Dream International Quarterly
mojo risin'
The Muse Apprentice Guild (The MAG)
Transfer
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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- Part 3: PHYSICAL DEPRIVATION
- Many Goldfish Swimming
- After the Flood
- The Photographer and his Wife
- Chocolate
- The Drawing of a Dream
- Living in a Barn
- Dreaming Mounds
- No Return Mail
- Presence
- Reconstruction
- Karl
- A Hole in the Fence
- Out of the Gaping Mouth
- In Pahn's Garden
- Lying
- Goldfish
- A Common Thread
- The New World
- The Separation
- Testing the Water
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