Part 10: ATHEHNA'S SORROW

Athehna's Sorrow

.
............................Looking across
the isolines.....................................
of elevation...................
the representation...................
....of steepness
on a flat sheet.................................

.....................Pahn sees
a young............................
and amber.... woman.........
walking...................................
climbing..................
into an ascending
valley...........
of green .....

......She is
the wandering off of a loved one.......
a member........................
of the family....
.............a child............a wife...........a sister
peripheral..........................................
in her representational form
..............................................ephemeral
going........................................
into that topographical wilderness.............
where Pahn used to live.....................



Panicked..........................................
he leaves the house of his marriage

Searching..............................
................the hometown streets...for familial scents
finding only the smooth.............
and comfortable...ride
......................of a solitary vehicle

He begins..................................
........to accept his losses
and drive........

taking the ways..................
that lead.................
to industry .........



In the warren
...........................of work

he has passed the scale...........................
stepped over........................
the lip of the creek’s bank
to sit...............................
with the boulders
and vegetation
..........as the comrades pass

Here
on the closeness................
of damp soil...........
Athehna walks up behind him..............

stooping.....................
.....to touch his shoulder
and leaning........................
..............her hair into a curtain
..............................................beside him

He is sad now...........................
passing his invitation to her
hoping.........................
for a new goddess
trying to bring her into......
...the hollow of his lap
to swallow her
..................................that she may help digest the uneasiness

But as he relays.....................
the detachment
.....that left him open
she begins to retract...............
into her own violent......
................birth
............and damp cheeked
she delivers words................
of imminent..............
................departure



In a small.......................................
and wooden...corner.................
a pilot.................................................
is collecting his gear........................
ropes..........................
pitons .........................
chalks .........................

It is someone else’s wife
.........that is lost now
...........someone else’s daughter

Pahn tells the pilot........................................
that in the draw ..........................
where she has gone
there is no solid stone ......................
no cracks .................
......that will hold a spike

it heads....................
..............in a steepening wall
...................................................of crumbling sandstone
...................................................like the curl
.............................................................of a wave

there is no promise there
no commitment

But he is resigned to try...................................
because he is older and has no one .............

...................................He is a martyr now
...........................having given up
..........on finding love
for himself............

He spends his days............................................
flying into the wild..................
..trying hopelessly
to rescue

the lost girl................
.
.

Waves at a River-mouth


Going down river
half    submerged
in a Viking
long boat
with Aiks
and Daphnis
and other travelers

in the corrugated
    torrents        
thick
warm rain        
salt

They rush
uncontrolled
limp
purposeful                   
resigned
into the meeting waves
like her heaving breast

aware
of the possibility of upset
sinking into her drenching
                                               
He is   momentarily unconcerned                
by the overwhelming

But beyond the surf                              
in the open ocean
under his own power again
he panics                                                         
   sensing Daphnis                                   
                       
pulled away

horrified                                   
to face suddenly
this unbearable
        loss

He leaps                                                          
with fatherly                 
dolphin strength
to retrieve him
and join him
to his mother again

Daphnis is strong enough
to swim by himself      But not
old enough to navigate

Now they sit

Aiks            Daphnis     and Pahn

in the shoaled relief

with uneasiness

separated

from the shore

picnicking
on the course
     unsorted
bar
of familiarity

from deluge
tempest

depth                                                               
to shallows                  


A Stop in His Mother's Ancestral Homeland

.
…reclining.....................
in an ocean liner
eyes closed
.................floating
..................................almost weightless
.uneasily trusting
he knows
they are safely cruising
in the open ocean

Letting down his guard
talking to Aiks
belittling his fears
he feels the boat turn
abruptly..........................
with urgency...........
and moments of lost faith......................
..................come in beats

Rising..............................
and coming to the deck
they disembark...........................
to a village resort in a bay

The inlet’s end...........................
has but a week stream coming
from a short canyon

Still...Pahn has Aiks wait
while he explores

As expected.....................
it is only........broken...................
.........crumbling
.............sandstone
in steep
.................and discontinuous walls
.................with patches of brush
and short falls
.
.

Wholesome

.
Having left a chamber of fabric
.........................................sheltered light
draped....................
........in subtle anticipation

moving through.........................
the doors
.........................of private thought
.....................................into a morning bathroom

.............................bright leaves
and shadow

through a window
...........................in view
..................his long dark thing
............................................capped
...........................................with its mushroom head

...........................................continuous
...........................................from the
...........................................throat down
...........................................through
...........................................the heart
...........................................to the point
...........................................of joy
...........................................where it
...........................................angles out
...........................................hopefully
...........................................into the
...........................................moist air
..........................................nearing
...........................................evaporation

he washes
................its stem
.............with casual
reverence

......preparing for the mouth of love
.
.

Resting

.
Lying down...........................................
on the soft afternoon......................
of May heat...in a familiar hollow
of crushed grass and twigs
where he often sleeps

the sun behind his arm
............................and a fetid odor from the drying creek
.........moving up the bank

his cares
drift into sleep
....................................scattered
...........................around a bright room

Speaking lightly................
with Eeunks...........
standing behind him

he gathers them up (his cares)
as calmly spring.......
........................slides into summer

packing them..............
......into brown suitcases
...........to get them out of the way

sending them off..........
..........................................somewhere
.
.

The Women's Neighborhood

.
…a mixed assemblage
of custom houses
various ages

He sees the house
like two
oversized fuselages
of jets
at right angles

How did he
feel what he was thinking?
.
.

A Dream After Restraint

.
in a loose dress
Athehna leans down
letting her gown
billow out
to offer
her left breast
to Pahn’s hand

reaching under
her cotton fabric
he feels the integrity
of its shape

the weight of it

the hardness
of her nipple a scenario
beyond him

a challenge
and concession



it is not the soft gift
he had imagined

it is strange
wild
and self contained

like the independence
of a child
who has raised herself
.
.

A Dark Shower of Forest Water

.
…in a black...three-sided cell
dew...covers the concrete walls.....and dim water falls
drenching.....the pale and luminous......naked body
of Ahnkahmna........
as she sits.....over the drain
crying
inconsolably............Pahn
under her......soft............ebony eyebrows
and soaked....dusk-shadow..hair....
comes.......out of her forest
into............her shower...........and kneels down
beside her.....sending.......his bare arms
around her......wet...shoulders
holding..........closely
to the rain
.
.

The Sea Worms



He is standing on the beach
A young woman scientist
like a sister
is down the shore

A wave gathers
cup-shaped
swelling only where he is
and pouncing       on only him
She comments on his special-ness
and says something about
a storm generating waves…

…Now
they are in Antarctica—
an interpretive site
—and he sees the
 two great ranks of swells
two great walls of water
one from the Pacific
one from the Atlantic
crashing together
in a turbulence

He is in her body
rising into the sunset clouds
seeing the mist through her camera
watching
as it closes in

Then
coming back
to the interpretive outpost             there is
a notice on the wall
asking
that the other family
please
stop licking the sea worms

Egairia's Web

.
…browsing the net.......................................................................
Pahn comes upon a photograph
of Egairia
.......................................sitting with shades on
.......................................in a sling chair
her legs crossed....and reading

His perspective changes
.......................................and he comes to her with his children

She sits in her chair
by her tubular
............................segmented
glass house
a warm
............................gentle sea
...................................................................lapping all around her

She ignores Pahn..............................................

He wants to touch her..................................
but can’t touch her......because
..................................she does not look at him through the net
So he hugs his children
....................instead...............cavorting with them in the
........................................................salty tepid murk of health
........................................................and fertility that
...........................................................................surrounds her page

He sends her an e-mail.................................................................
to which
.....................................................she responds unexpectedly
........................................friendly
........................................caring
and he remembers
............................suddenly
that she has sent an e-mail before
.........................................................................which he read and
forgot
.........................and now

going back and finding it
he sees she was
.........................sweet.............contented
.
.

Captivity

.
…Pahn has caught a fish
..........................................................................as long as a small
............................................................. child

a dark olive
.............out of a vague
.............................................................................wild periphery

and brought it back..................
to a deep ditch
to store

It lies quiet
at the bottom................................................................................
while Pahn wanders........................................

in consultations......................

The ditch quickly dries
.....................................................and the fish disappears

A young boy tells Pahn.............................................
it is buried.......................................................
in the mud..................................................

Carefully........................................................

Pahn digs with his hands...........................
to uncover
its translucence—

green..................
like a bony stream
encased in clear scales—

and lifts it................................
out of its bed

a squirming....legless
.......................................object of love
.......................................and care
.................................................................and carries it
......................................concerned

..................................................to the home
.................he has made for it
of concrete......and stone.............

but.......when he lets it............into the water............
...................................................it swims ............listless

..............in a world.......too.......bright..................a pond
too warm

he wonders
...............................................................where it will migrate
..................................................................with no great stream?

in the stare...................................
of those viewers

......................the glare
...................................of that light

He wishes
.............he had left it
...............................................................................in its place of
...............................................................................obscurity
where it came
....................................................as it went

but he was too lonely
to walk..................away...........
and too bound........................................................
to swim off...........................................................................................
.
.

in Case You are Wondering

.
the storyteller would like you to know

At first Egairia was a green-eyed woman
of fresh water...and then she was a fish.......and that fish
came from the world of dreams.......and Pahn saw
that it was a beautiful thing .....and he wanted to show
to Egairia....the beauty that had come of her ..........but he
felt that she was not able
to see it...............................................................
.............................so then he wanted to show it to the world
.
.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS


Some of these poems originally appeared in the following publications

Avocet
Dream International Quarterly
mojo risin'
The Muse Apprentice Guild (The MAG)
Transfer

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