Part 2: BECOMING PAHN

In a Dugout
Novice
Becoming Pahn
Ahstrild (invocation)
Flooded Room
Tsovinar (invocation)
Waxing
Rocks and Gravel
Rakhehla (invocation)
Seeking Wayland
Giant Reproductions
Canyon Stones
Home Health Aid
Shelter
The Orange Grove
Twins
Passageway
A Man
In the Dark and Hemlock
Performance
.

In a Dugout

  by a baseball field
behind
a chain link fence
the teenage Ahgreyeuss walks back and forth
and watches a big horse
running furiously on the grass

black and glistening
it charges over the infield dust toward
him and rears

                                         thrusting through the chain link
as if it were a mare

Ahgreyeuss in the dugout womb
                                                     is afraid of  

                                                       being bludgeoned
by the smooth and dark sex

The horse ejaculates
lacing him with heated
black tar that sticks
on his face and clothes…



Novice

.The banks are ragged
                                           and bare
wintered
with gray canes
round
                scattered stones

Ahgreyeuss
walks along the muddy creek
thinking
he has been here before

brown water
             silty
rain

A structure           looms
above the creek
in the vapor distance
wooden                             
                               brown
                        a long roof over a calm
pool

In the water
beneath the structure
there are brown-robed
monks
from the east
in a crew boat
gliding

Ahgreyeuss wades out
to join them
and they reluctantly accept him
but when he tries to enter the boat
he upsets it
nearly to sinking

and he doesn’t think
they will ever let him
try again



Becoming Pahn

.…on the road
with Nomioss
Ahgreyeuss is exploring the dry
and golden buckeye woodland

warm and dusty

They stop at a monument
and climb a loose path of
decomposed granite
                                           stone steps to
                                            a commemorative obelisk

a ruin
looking out over the
hills of fading green
                                        and oak

into a violent distance

Remembering
                                          the past war
they see tanks maneuvering
across a riddled plain
              missiles
              explode into the peaty valley floor
and Ahgreyeuss shudders at the prospect            
of crossing into that scene
              
but his brother reassures him
                                                     turning him away
saying

“It is not for us”

Ahgreyeuss leaves his brother

                                                     walks west down the ridge
alone among stairways
                             olive and gray stone

He finds and greets
a ranger
                    guide green
                           who brings him to the temple columns

and leads him
                         inside
through a door like a tunnel

And here in the dim church
                          with shafts of light
                          illuminating dust
grand pianos are arranged
                               like pews
closed and soundless
The rangers               
                                      wearing black robes
performing rites
                like a marriage
or sacrifice
intimidating                     serious
possessing and regulating
access to their realm
they allow the young man
                                      to approach the altar

But as he approaches the end
of the aisle
he sees to his left
                                       a way out
and goes to it like water
that finds its way through a constriction

Now he
                                        is in a pale hall
like the back of an old house
                                                      used as an office
and there are two doors to consider

Behind the white one
is a universe
                         of old furniture
             utensils
                          unused pianos
                                     windows
              but no way out
and a floor
too cluttered to walk

Behind the pale green door
there is a bedroom
           with a woman lying in
                    black sheets
                         a nightgown
staring
              light
the gentle curves of her body
                                                         showing
                      through the thin
                                 and soft
                                  films of cloth

Ahgreyeuss is looking

for the end of the building
                                             a door
around the white walls                                     
                                            and bedding
and slips into the sheets
with her

Then
as he turns to hold her
                              the land begins to shake
and the walls to fall away
                                        noisily
allowing the sunlight
to fill the air
revealing                                                     
the open landscape again
with no roads
or trails

And into the wilderness
becoming
Pahn

through
                                         stony pastures
Ahgreyeuss sets out
.
.

Ahstrild

          Resinous             cloudy
                              brown              eyes in cream     blowing
                                                                        white
                                                                          and blue
                                                               the ice
            of winds through knitted
                           wool      baking bread
small touch
pale eggs
                   a linen
                                             a bear   cushioned embrace

   lying low and rolling
       forest             lakes

         the small   bodies
               in wood    and stone

                felt          
and brocade
 
                    yellow braid

      We
                                    climb
                                        on wind                   feather

                                          threading
                                                      sea gull

     butterfly
                      wings

                                                a multitude
                                                                of legs

                                           and fingers

                                                                  in the air

                                                               dry
                                                         far


                                                               cool


Flooded Room

   he is floating
in the ocean
                          under a darkening sky
trying to drink                
or see                

he swims
                                         into a room full of water
treading voices
listening
to others there

A thin woman
                 with dark hair
                               and night-lit face
swims over to him

She is naked
                         pulling him
meeting his eyes
with open lips

But when he reaches
                                           timidly

in words
or gestures

she pushes away
as if
he is unable
                                          to be with her

and he remembers
                even into childhood
that she
                                       has always been
untouchable



Tsovinar



                         Thin skin
                                     burn    dropping
             temper into drought
                                         thick brows
                                                       dark wool the muffle of wavy
                                             hair how blood rises and falls an
                                           inconsistent
                                         convection of heat and rain pelting
                                                          heavily

                                                                  we
                                                          caress smoke
                              lightning

                                                                   a sky erases

                                                             a curtain
                                                       twists

                                             long after

                                          crusting

                     shade




Waxing

.A letter from Tsovinar
she writes
“Wish you were here more than anything”

Ahgreyeuss
smiles for a while
but says
“I am dreaming

                                     she didn’t write that
                                                                    Our love has waned”
So he sleeps
and time passes…

…he wanders in a university
                                           a beige building
mostly empty
he is looking
                                      distracted
He opens a door
                                           a room full of people
                                         playing instruments
                               wearing black
He sits with them
and says
“This is where I belong”

He begins work on a symphony

Leaving the beige building
he finds Tsovinar walking
                                                    in the quadrangle
and they lean together
                             kissing
His hand is in her shirt
Her skin feels waxy—
wax
like the covering
                                                      of Gouda cheese
Scraping the wax
he asks her
                                    “What is it?”
but she doesn’t know
.
.

Rocks and Gravel

  ...among boulders
                        with red leaves floating
           unmoved
            still flat pools
                of low water
Ahgreyeuss                                          
sits

             rests
               black
                transparent cold

and she comes by
                                                          the trail            thicket
looking at him
with only a white shirt
                           desirous
                                        observing

He is glad deep

But his friends
walking down the trail
they see her too
and say
                     "Lets go get her"

and Ahgreyeuss panics
responds ineffectually
                                       “No

she looked at me”

And while he arranges
his arguments
                         she turns and runs

followed by his friends who give chase
and disappear
                                          into vegetation

Ahgreyeuss is contrite
               feels he must find her
               to distance himself
                   in her mind from the other men
He goes down through the bushes
                                                           crossing back over the trail
                                                           worried among rocks

He sees her running
                gravel-leafed
                    scratched
scrambling up the canyon slope

and is compelled to pursue her
                              forgetting his purpose
crawling up the steep earth
                                     to the ridge
where the woods open
to the bigger land
to the dry scree

where
between stones
                                          she shrinks

Faster downhill
                              she shrinks
and Ahgreyeuss has become large
chasing a mouse
wondering

why

She multiplies
faster
many mice run
down dry

So dry
               he runs
no longer knowing
his
            intent



Rakhehla

.
From the wilderness
         by stages       rainless     stony
                        striking        rocks for water

                       sanctuary
                                  to be in pain
                                                    because of          the expanse of

                                                                             thunder is filled

barren         then flowering

          deep
                        wet

                       touching the soft desert pouch
                              of contained liquid

standing by the circle of stones
         asking for drink

                          mouth damp


                 well      and stone
                    lip       and dipper
                                                      We are
      parting dry

           into the dusty

                                             sparse
                        liminal
                                 steps
                                                toward a remote

                                                                                 slaking
 
 

Seeking Wayland

.There is a note in Ahgreyeuss Pahn’s pocket
It is Wayland’s address

Ahgreyeuss goes to meet him

Busy
large
cross street
                          a white convertible skids to a stop
There is a wealthy woman inside
                                                   wearing white
“Get in and drive”
                             she says
                                              angrily

Ahgreyeuss ignores her
                                        He jaywalks
               A policeman stops him
                               The policeman is angry too
                                                                        he says
“You are an asshole       I’m gonna write you up for jay-
walking fella jaywalking         that lady wanted you to drive
her car so that her son could be saved but you wouldn’t do it
Now her son is dead
               someone is dead because of you”

Ahgreyeuss protests
                                I didn’t know
                                                            She didn’t say—
                                                 how could I know?”

The policeman calms
                                               apologizes
                                                                    says
                                                             its O.K.

Ahgreyeuss walks up streets
                                                               shaken
                         left
                                                                         right
                                                                                 up a hill
                           following the notes directions

                                 
Where Wayland’s house should be
                                                                             there is a bar
                                                      He keeps walking
                                                He reaches the university grounds
                                                                       a Japanese garden
                                                                         many new students
                                                                            strangers

                                           He speaks to a friend
                                       A woman comes to chat—
                                   he ignores her
                                                    She is not Wayland
                                         He leaves

He returns to the bar where Wayland’s house should be
There are telephones
                                  He calls Rakhehla
                                                                        no answer
                                  He calls her twice—
                                                                        no answer
                                              (the telephone is black)
                                  He calls her again—
                                                                       she doesn’t
                                                           know where Wayland is
                   She says
                          I love you”
              On another telephone
                          someone is calling someone
                                        She is a girl in leotards
                       Ahgreyeuss asks her
                                          if she knows where Wayland is
“Wayland couldn’t come”
                                                  She says
.
.

Giant Reproductions

.…Ahgreyeuss Pahn’s friends buy false paintings            
                                       and talk about a river

Ahgreyeuss leaves them with their art
                                                          and walks
and is swept out to sea
                              overwhelmed

                                                                       From way out
Ahgreyeuss sees the delta of the river
                                                                              and swims
holding the saltwater between his arms
                   crossing the parallel
                        ridges of delta waves
                   muddy and insistent
            gaining little distance
persisting until                                            Ahgreyeuss catches his foot on a Navy wire           
He is pulled in                                                                        by an officer                                                               who brings him to a building
where officers play
grey
                and concrete
empty and damp
                                                         with bluish light from
                               high windows

The officer asks Ahgreyeuss to write a letter
                                               of support
and Ahgreyeuss writes calmly                                      
cooperative                                                           
black ink                                                 
on white lined paper
neat but not pretty                                                              
a page                                
The officer thanks him                                                   

telling him at the end                                                                                                         “Fod is on our side”
Angered Ahgreyeuss                                                                
says
                  "I am not a Fristian

and seeing the officers frown
           Ahgreyeuss leaps      into         the air

                                                                                and flies

                                                                                       easily

                                                                         at great speed
home to his friends
who have laid aside their giant
                                 reproductions
                                of Cezanne and Degas

and are quietly
                                       playing a game



Canyon Stones


                                      …In fallen
                                   leaves
                                deep under

                                      many browns
                                         dry summer
                                        canopy
                                       still
                                        walking
                                         a trail      wide
                             beside
                              the
                             broad
                            grey    stoned
                           creek
                         trickling     A naked skin
                                         and light       young woman      beside
                                       a steep place
                                     stands
                                      where the path
                                             cuts into the
                                       side of a hill

                                       He
                                  walks
                             down
                          to her

                        She turns to him
                           She looks slowly
                                                    away
                                  She is wooded     and dusty
                                       leaves slide down her
                                                                   as if she were stone
                                                                        Joy
                                                                    rests lightly
                                                    in her round touch and waist

                            She turns and pulls him in
                                                                        to kiss

                                                            But before their lips
                                                                          join
                                                                       he hears
                                 the clump and scrape of horses many
                                       and panicked Ahgreyeuss
                                                                       says



           "Naked stone

                                                     we must hide from horsemen
                                                             hunters
                                                            conceal our bodies"

                                         Ahgreyeuss lifts her
                                               runs
                                            lays her down and quiet
                                          in a hollow
                                        of the slope
                                         by the roots
                                          and they watch
                                            the horsemen
                                     stop      to camp

                                                                               She sees now
                                         one group of horsemen
                                                 rides by
                                     one group leaves the trail
                                                              to camp
                             The horsemen talk      and laugh      look about

                                                       and there by the creek
                                                                 the horsemen find them

                                                                            stony


ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS


Some of these poems originally appeared in the following publications

Avocet
Dream International Quarterly
mojo risin'
The Muse Apprentice Guild (The MAG)
Transfer

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