Ahgreyeuss

Still smooth limbs                                    
                     Lingering                      
with the scent of oak                                     
only faint impressions                 of bark    
                                                       of leaves      
emerging                                                          
boulders           lichen                                                        
bleating     a whistle through brush                                              
consorts      sipping      immature streams             
                                      willowy saplings vaguely
                                                fingers      twigs    and wind
pulling at the trunks            and leaves
           rippling the pools                 and waves
peering into the caves       naive                                 
always
the presence                       
of the woodlands        
the texture                                        
of rock                 
the sound                 
of water

          we are
                                              exploring
.

In a Dugout

  by a baseball field
behind
a chain link fence
the teenage Ahgreyeuss walks back and forth
and watches a big horse
running furiously on the grass

black and glistening
it charges over the infield dust toward
him and rears
                                         thrusting through the chain link
as if it were a mare

Ahgreyeuss in the dugout womb                                                     is afraid of  
                                                       being bludgeoned
by the smooth and dark sex

The horse ejaculates
lacing him with heated
black tar that sticks

on his face and clothes…

Part 4: AIKS

Pahn (invocation)
Acts and Events of Consequence
The Memory of a Prophetic Dream
Aiks (invocation)
The Red-haired Family
Expecting
Delivery
.

Pahn

.

Wooded     fur
                                         glades
he wanders
with the Oreyads   the shooing
          dusted
sand
                                spritzing dry on stone      ledges
                                                       spinning in the wind
                                                              calling
                                                                             to him

      “sweet   lover
                      long haired
       unkempt…brush with your wool…”

At evening
on reeds he plays
                                                                  sunset
                                                                             and low

Breezy flutes of presence
                                                        filling
stepping                  lightly
join him
                                           by springs of dark water

          looking into their green         
 blue
                                                       and muddy          eyes
 
                                                                               crying
                                                              against the cliffs

passing from spring
                                                           to cloud
to tree                                                                                     
                                                              now mingling

                                                             now leaving
covered with the skin of a lynx

with his voices                                                           
he meanders                                                                       
turning and returning                                                      
among

the random                                         
flowers                                                                             
grasping    at the passing               

                           drops    through his fingers

 

 

Physical Therapy

.

Momentarily                                                                 

disembodied                                                                 

floating                                                                 

through a hall                                                                

along the                                                                

walls of white                                                                 

and pediatric                                                                 

colors                                                                 
Pahn turns through a door into an expansive room of toys
gym apparatus                    medical devices
where he sees himself reclining         on a futon            
                and precipitates               into his body

comfortably                                 
    the cotton batting

                 beneath his bare skin
 
looking to the shelved

                 undersides of the counters
 
                 The nurses come and go     waiting     for

visitors                                                  
From work                                 
                    Egairia and Djuturna’s laughter

                                flows     into the room    gurgling

            and     surging
                     they follow                           offering

to the nurses 
                                           to help

Egairia
                       conscientious
                  and contained
                      kneels
               beside his thighs
                                     taking him in her hands
 
    Djuturna
                    smiling stands
        more timid
                               watching
 
                                       Egairia pulls back his skin
 
                                         holding him
                                   with unaccustomed care
                                         and he grows with the attention
wondering
                              where this absorption will lead him
 
               his engrossment
              becomes
                   unwieldy
                      leaning
             awkwardly about him
                  and Egairia
                   becomes uncertain
                      of her purpose

Unable to hold him                        
she rises smiling weakly

and recedes with Djuturna          

from the room

.

.

The Deity of Calm Waters

.…on a steep slope Pahn has stopped
for lunch
                               April grassy
                    still

It is a picnic with
his family
They wander   about
              the incline    talking of
              family matters

Going to the barbecue
for hamburgers            Daphnis climbs up into the rocks
                                        as is his inclination
                        and Pahn follows him to catch
            him if he falls

But Pahn keeps climbing up
                                                                to the University…

…and down again                                                     
past picnic and family                  down
to the river          in the canyon

He comes out of the woods
            onto a trestle   and crossing
              to the shade   he climbs
           over the creosote
            timbers   down
into the river                     

He swims underwater

his feet crossed like
                                        an otter   upstream in the clear light

While sitting on the silty bank
Djuturna
her chin in her hand smiles
her unending smile and

Pahn finds himself lying beneath her
her knees on either side
of his waist     swishing
             her vulva against him
            to erect his sex

and it rises      when
he holds her face
              and her shoulders
in his hands…

…Again         he is driving with Aiks
The brakes are not adequate
he wonders how such a large vehicle
could have been designed unable
to stop its own momentum

She tells him he must turn right
and he slows down just enough
to avoid rolling over

She says he must turn left now
but there is a line of cars
in the left turn lane

He doesn’t see how
he will be able
                           to stop the car in time

The brakes are only reins of leather
that require all his strength

           to stop before they crash…

.

.

Edge of Light

.

A gravel    fenced    road
                                                                                     skirts
 
                                                        the abandoned sheds
                                                                       of chickens
                                                                       or horses
                                                                                    farm tools
                                                                                         blacksmiths
 
                                                             corners of un-remember-able
                                                                                                          storage--

a short dry slope
through the quiet                          
                                                         of elsewhere ranchers
on a sliver
of access

between     the private lands

He comes to the bridge                                                   
at the corporate    ownership                      
where he is     disallowed
but without wrath

Disobeying                                                                                 
knowing that he is no liability
Pahn follows the boggy river                                  
                       in its small
                        and grassy valley
its clear water
brought near                           
and away again              
with its meanders

A man with dark      freckled skin                    
joins him                                             
in a hunters cap
with a radio
                    and a long thin gate
reassuring Pahn
                  with his                      hermit similarity
and distant feeling                           like all people                         
on the fringes                      of their own society
who find a comfortable place
                  on the edge of habitation
                                                                     where they can raise a family
                                                                   and still escape
                                                                                      into the wilderness
 
                                                                       into that
wild order                         
                                                                                       where relationships
                                                                       between plants
                                                                    animals
                                                                       rocks
                                                                                            and water are
                                                                      too complex     to separate
         in a mind
                                                                      too extensive to recall
         in detail

but if left alone
                                                            to walk with thought
                                                         fall together

in the most inevitable way                                               

.

.

The Levels of Intimacy

.

Sitting at a table in a playground
with Egairia drawing
Pahn is speaking over her mirth of
the four levels of intimacy
which
in her are visible like stairs of chalk figures
on a flat surface that Pahn can scan
but not hold or incorporate

He tells her
there is another woman (Athehna)
who shares her name and with whom
he has reached the second level

he sees Athehna
In his mind distorted
nearby

her thin gray hair
curls around her ears
and she is looking away
closed now
and unhappy

Egairia laughs
And looks at his eyes
rising
and going
to her distant work

................................................He tries hard to remember what she said

......................................................................................He knows
.....................................................................................he can’t
.........................................................................................open her head now

.
…

He is on a bridge
....................................................suspended
...................................................high
...................................................above
a wide ........deep river ....of Oregon

working
laying olives and salsa
on each tread

pulses of fear
..................................................vertigo
coming into his body of falling
from this conscious
span where love
may walk
and the limbs are industrious

He is afraid of losing them
because he needs their presences

…

Walking naked

through a rainy night
out of the forest
by the river
past a shelter for travelers
to a road built on a shelf between
the stages of a waterfall

........................................................He has been alone in the water already
....................................................... and is frightened
......................................................... of it

............................................................ When he was young
for a time
............................................................ he wouldn’t let anyone
see his goatish skin

........................................................... he didn’t want
.......................................................... to be touched

............................................................ and he became afraid of people
but all the while he had fantasies
............................................................ of being nude among mortal women

Looking down
there is another fall
but climbing to it he sees
that the great river of Oregon
has dried and shrunken into a semi-rural yard
oak and eucalyptus of a young California

…

In another moment
in the presence of worker friends

the stream has overwhelmed
a bridge

A car is navigating
the flooded deck pushing wakes
along the gutters

Pahn is doubtful momentarily
but finds he has seen the sidewalk into dryness
and crosses with swiftly appearing
....................................................companions

And now coming the other way
Junipera alone passes
...................................................without looking

…

The stream dries again
disappointed
....................................................faster than water can flow

Here
....................Pahn notes
that the government has taken a bit of private
land and built
a walkway to an observation point
where people can watch at a safe distance
.................................................................................the torrents
in the wet season
....................................................when it comes

…

Sitting at a table
in a playground
with Egairia drawing
speaking
over her mirth
of the four levels
of intimacy
which
in her


are visible
like stairs
of chalk figures
on a flat surface
that he can scan
but not hold
or merge with

.....................................................he is trying
.....................................................hard to remember
what she is saying
......................................................but it has evaporated

he tells her
there is another woman (Athehna)
who shares one of her names
with whom
he has reached
the second level

he sees her
in his mind
nearby

with her thin gray hair
that curls around her ears
and she is looking away
closed now
....................................................and unhappy

Egairia laughs
and looks at his eyes
rising
....................................................and going

...........to her distant work

.

.

Hanging Keys

.

Walking
to the lot
where Gendenwitha parks
Pahn finds
a delivery truck
the owner having gone off
leaving his keys
in the locking cap

Pahn remarks to her
that anyone
could take those keys
and get into that truck
seeing what might be there
and seeing
if there were anything
desirable

But Pahn is constrained
to consider it really
because she isn’t his
and he has no right
to go there

.

.

Athehna's Sorrow

.

............................Looking across
the isolines.....................................
of elevation...................
the representation...................
....of steepness
on a flat sheet.................................

.....................Pahn sees
a young............................

and amber.... woman.........
walking...................................
climbing..................
into an ascending
valley...........
of green .....

......She is
the wandering off of a loved one.......
a member........................
of the family....
.............a child............a wife...........a sister
peripheral..........................................
in her representational form
..............................................ephemeral
going........................................
into that topographical wilderness.............
where Pahn used to live.....................

…

Panicked..........................................
he leaves the house of his marriage

Searching..............................
................the hometown streets...for familial scents
finding only the smooth.............
and comfortable...ride
......................of a solitary vehicle

He begins..................................
........to accept his losses
and drive........

taking the ways..................
that lead.................
to industry .........

…

In the warren
...........................of work

he has passed the scale...........................
stepped over........................
the lip of the creek’s bank
to sit...............................
with the boulders
and vegetation
..........as the comrades pass

Here
on the closeness................
of damp soil...........
Athehna walks up behind him..............

stooping.....................
.....to touch his shoulder
and leaning........................
..............her hair into a curtain
..............................................beside him

He is sad now...........................
passing his invitation to her
hoping.........................
for a new goddess
trying to bring her into......
...the hollow of his lap
to swallow her
..................................that she may help digest the uneasiness

But as he relays.....................
the detachment
.....that left him open
she begins to retract...............
into her own violent......
................birth
............and damp cheeked
she delivers words................
of imminent..............
................departure

…

In a small.......................................
and wooden...corner.................
a pilot.................................................
is collecting his gear........................
ropes..........................
pitons .........................
chalks .........................

It is someone else’s wife
.........that is lost now
...........someone else’s daughter

Pahn tells the pilot........................................
that in the draw ..........................
where she has gone
there is no solid stone ......................
no cracks .................
......that will hold a spike

it heads....................
..............in a steepening wall
...................................................of crumbling sandstone
...................................................like the curl
.............................................................of a wave

there is no promise there
no commitment

But he is resigned to try...................................
because he is older and has no one .............

...................................He is a martyr now
...........................having given up
..........on finding love
for himself............

He spends his days............................................
flying into the wild..................
..trying hopelessly

to rescue

the lost girl................

.

.

Dimphna's Blog

.

Elongated
prostrate .....in a dry and cool position ....Pahn
arranges the apparition before him
..........trying to draw hue ............and meaning
from Dimphna’s spirit..........
........as evidenced
..........................in her casual words
.....................................pasted on the internet

..........He sees
..........a series of small
...............circles in a column
...........describing
..............her smooth
................small features
..............................and sleepy humility ...a certain
.........simple contentedness
.....without great force
........................or sharp edges ..........Her image
...................................a matte saint’s card
..................................of primary colors
..................dissolving
...................and reappearing
....................with his uneven sleep

.

Nut-Bread

.

Pahn ..........somewhat uncomfortable
is sitting at the table
in the house
of the man
elderly
foreign
of unknown ethnicity .....who is talking
of unremembered things
when the man gets up to make a point
about the vagaries of chance .....saying

“I bought this bread twenty years ago”

Pahn wonders what this means
He begins to speculate—
is the bread worth money now?
Is he saying.......................
you never know
.................what’s going to go up in value?
Pahn asks...............................

“What does that mean?”

“I bought this bread twenty years ago, you see?”

Pahn doesn’t understand

“Well, I bought this bread long ago
and now I am here”

Pahn says
“I don’t understand the significance of what
you are saying”

The man leans in close to Pahn
and repeats himself slowly ...as if
Pahn has not understood the words

Says Pahn... “No
I mean I don’t understand
the significance of it
What are you saying about the bread?”

The man gets up again .....goes to a cupboard
brings out a bread bag ...and a plate
and lays out the sliced loaf of nut-bread
in a single stroke

“You see? I bought this bread twenty years ago”

Pahn imagines.............................................
the old man ...as a young man
buying this bread ...in Turkey
on his way ...to the United States…

…Someone brings a telephone to the table...........
and hands the receiver to Pahn
It is a call from his daughter’s school...........
The woman on the line says

“Eeunks was caught eating brownies at school”

Pahn assumes she means........................
marijuana brownies
He asks.... “should I come get her”

“Yes” the woman says…

…Pahn goes outside to find his car
but not seeing it .....he thinks he must have walked
So he starts toward his house on foot
but soon finds the neighborhoods ...unfamiliar
He remembers... that the town is cut
by the railroad tracks ...and there are only
two crossings ...He is trying to get to
the main street that crosses the tracks
on the south end of town ...near the school
but he is confused ...by the strange streets
and decides to turn west .....He takes
a slice of nut-bread from a cloth sack
and eats it
He goes through a neighborhood in the dark
without lights
that leads to a major thoroughfare
and finally to a street running north
where he feels like....
he’s going the right direction

But this street is strange .....He thinks
he has somehow ended up ...in San Jose
on the El Camino Real .......He passes buildings
of uncertain function
stadium?
........parking garage?
mall? ....
There is a strange conveyance .....resembling
a ski-lift ...and Ferris wheel
The buildings ...are mostly new
The last building he remembers ...appears
half finished ...with irregular levels ...and ranks
of seats .....and all the while
he has been eating the nut bread
and being glad that he has it
on this long walk
that finally is beginning
to seem like home
.

Wooly Thighs

Pahn has been wandering                                    

wandering     

                      with his Mexican friends

                         exploring their employer’s land 

They have seen a truck                              

                       hauling a huge    old  

                                                        concrete

blast-furnace           onto the property   

                    from     another location 

It reminds Pahn     of a ruin                                                    

     of a ruin                  

                he explored in the past

            on another of the owner’s parcels

 

They go there now to explore it again

                                   The outside     of the ruin   

has been a garden     

 for many years                                 

 and is now a nursery     where plants are reared

Pahn walks   the chalky gravel

enclosed

                        by the ruined walls   

           by himself  

wondering      how the hydrangeas survive     

in so much sun

                 with so little water 

 thinking of Aiks                              

because she loves hydrangeas                    

 he picks up a few things    to buy

      and goes inside                                                          

 through an open entr                            y  

into a hallway now                             

with several doors      leading

to abandoned rooms— 

some he has explored before 

others were inaccessible

       He wants to examine them all   

First                                                            

he opens       the large    double doors   

 at the end of the hall

to his left   They are heavy

and behind them

          there is a second set      of heavy doors         

that he opens as well 

These open into a restaurant

Now                                                  

 he feels                         

exposed 

He hears a bit of conversation                          

from some of the restaurant patrons—

a story about someone           making a joke

of Pahn’s employer’s name             and they speak

 with concern of how

he must endure        such teasing       

frequently 

The patrons seem      genuinely                 

sympathetic to him   but Pahn thinks

 their sympathy is excessive

for such a small thing

to such a rich man

 

Pahn feels rustic                                                          

and out of place        among the patrons

and begins to close the doors again     but

before he moves the doors                                        

an inch                                      

Ahpadeyva                

(of the starry face)                            

comes to a nearby table                                          

    and she      seeing Pahn      approaches      

takes his hand

           takes his hand and

   tells him

to ignore the doors

                    and leads him confidently

confidently past the patrons                

     informing him      that she

                       has something for him to do

By the time she reaches the reception desk

she has changed 

Her hair has darkened

and she has become                         

         somewhat more compact

and voluptuous

   rounder          

                   Her shawl      which had been

a light leaf                               

and floral of earth tones

is now black     and lacey

and somehow                                             

there are gaps in her clothes

that open as she walks

      exposing her hipbones

and inner thighs             

 

To Pahn these clothes                

seem like bedroom attire                                 

but they are so loose

and flowing

he wonders     how                                                 

one could frolic in bed           without tearing       

 or getting tangled   

He looks down at her lap                                                       

as they come to the desk                                              

and she sits down                                                     

crossing her legs                                         

He sees as if in a close-up             

     that her dress has parted

showing her black lace          underwear           

and her partially exposed hips

He can see that her thighs

are covered thickly

with wooly hair          identical                       

to the hair on her head                         

    whereas      around      and beneath

         her panties

has clearly been shaved

 

Reading his mind she says                                        
”I find

I can let the hair on my thighs grow

and men don’t seem to be bothered

but

I shave my pubis

so that it seems clean”  

Pahn is nodding      as he leans over       realizing now

that he himself       is completely naked      with

his manhood resting     neatly    

on the corner of the desk

neatly                                                         

                                                      resting

 

He says                                                                                  

“I like being hairy because it makes me feel like who I am”

She nods

                                                       

A series of thoughts                                                  

 now come through his head                                 

‘maybe                                                

men don’t mind                                  

the hair on her thighs                          

because it seems like an extension      

of the hair on her head’                     

                    

            and                                                                       

                       

‘I like the hair on her thighs                

because I am half wild’                      

and                                                            

  

‘It may not be appropriate                 

for me to be naked here                    

I should probably go back                  

into the ruins’                                   

And so he says to her

“I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to be naked here 

I should probably go back into the ruins”

She smiles kindly and unconcerned