Djuturna

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Slowly                                                            
                      Into    the    surface
the fold of    thought                         
moves                              
blankly                                                      
under                        her                        exhalation
of willow                                                         
mud                                                                                         
sedimentary                                                                        
swimming                                                        
the light                                                
                                  breaks
                                                 into sheets
                       of wind wishes
calmly            
deriving                                                              
cloudy                                                                
                                    blinking
a bird                                                   
washing                                                            
                             the thin
larvae                                                              
the inner beds                         
bottomless                                                                   

drowning in her                                                                    
                                                                   wavering by
                                                         murmuring
we are           
                     rippled

dim                                                                 
carried
                                                                  floating
                                        partly
                submerged

drifting over                                                                       

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Physical Therapy

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Momentarily                                                                 

disembodied                                                                 

floating                                                                 

through a hall                                                                

along the                                                                

walls of white                                                                 

and pediatric                                                                 

colors                                                                 
Pahn turns through a door into an expansive room of toys
gym apparatus                    medical devices
where he sees himself reclining         on a futon            
                and precipitates               into his body

comfortably                                 
    the cotton batting

                 beneath his bare skin
 
looking to the shelved

                 undersides of the counters
 
                 The nurses come and go     waiting     for

visitors                                                  
From work                                 
                    Egairia and Djuturna’s laughter

                                flows     into the room    gurgling

            and     surging
                     they follow                           offering

to the nurses 
                                           to help

Egairia
                       conscientious
                  and contained
                      kneels
               beside his thighs
                                     taking him in her hands
 
    Djuturna
                    smiling stands
        more timid
                               watching
 
                                       Egairia pulls back his skin
 
                                         holding him
                                   with unaccustomed care
                                         and he grows with the attention
wondering
                              where this absorption will lead him
 
               his engrossment
              becomes
                   unwieldy
                      leaning
             awkwardly about him
                  and Egairia
                   becomes uncertain
                      of her purpose

Unable to hold him                        
she rises smiling weakly

and recedes with Djuturna          

from the room

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Damned if

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Pahn   is       digging                                     
in             his     fields                   

He has                                            
                   a sense of the coming nymphs
with their husbands

Their damp forms ripple in

through the door
              of his family’s hostel

old and wooden     of the

craftsman school     dark

redwood   strongly

horizontal
Self-                    
consciously
     he follows
   them
       like a gosling
      carrying their imprint
     out
     into the winter     
 garden
 
     where groves of

     people are wandering     
 in the dusk
    between the houses
 
  a climate of friends
  and workers
  that lingers
as they regress inside

He walks around Djuturna
(on a couch) who would
                                embrace him if she were not
sitting with her spouse
                                 and young son

He walks over to Egairia whose                                              

husband is                                        
away and they
drift
                          into the yard

the      turned  soil
now   waffled
with snow

Beneath an arched arbor
of frozen rose
                     they lean together
                    turning aside
before touching lips

Walking closely
up the path
                   to the street
                         holding cuffs
they stop to graze collars

Stirring                                                                       
they remember working
                             and the days
                                               in the community
and their complacency               
blows off
                                        into the bed-sheets
hanging on a line

He stares into the coming day
wondering              
                    if he should avoid her
but he should not             

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The Museum of Attraction

.Riding in her
big truck
Pahn and Djuturna
without a word
because sometimes
they don’t know what
to say they
come to a building

stop                                                              
enter a large
room with exhibits

Djuturna walks
quietly                                      
to the information desk
                                                        by herself
and Pahn walks straight
to the art

Statues                                                          

The first                            
                         in white picnicking
sitting
  reading
       the paper

Then an ensemble             
           19th century
         gathering
                           well dressed in hats
           and bustles

To the left                          
figures
                             more fluid lavender
gauzy 
                               fabrics over nude cast
dancers

As the sculptures end                                




high on a wall                                               
                                                                 (out of reach)
A large                                 
black                                     
and white drawing         

of a couple           

joined

along a perfect
               seam
recurring legs making
a tight                         
uninterrupted
line             
                from ankles
to mons—

their torsos far

apart

.

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Flying to China

.The plane is full of red
pandas
                 fertility
                                       health bounty

flying
                            toward the western mountains 
                                the wife and mother’s
side of the bed

to return them
to their homeland

They crash
and settle
                             into Aiks’ chaos
on the cool
                                 mossy sheet with mottled
boulders
 
          knees
 
                    elbows

trying to straighten
the blankets   to assess
what is left    debating
the course to take

Pahn finds

Djuturna
Isolated
 
                                                       from the wreckage by a buffer

of cool   empty
air    starting to walk
away
                                   quietly in
to tranquility around her

the path
appears    to part
 
                  and focus
                                   clearing
like murk settling                                                 
in slow moving                     

river                                        

.

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A Place in the Land of Rain

.In front of the jungle
and cliff ridden
interior
by the houses
            and roads

while his family plays
sand castles
on crowded beaches
reading
gathering shells
chasing fish

he pours
over his maps

looking for a certain shore

he knows it is there
even if
he’s never seen it
perhaps
he’s heard of it

unused
and out of view
safe
and conducive
a cove of quiet
water
a place to visit her…

…“beyond
the point”
he doubtfully says
                           to light blue
                                     Djuturna

“There is a place
in my life—


a cove of white sand where

only turtles come ashore
                                                       to mate”

She stands
               smiling open

“But you’ll need fins
                      and a mask

to get there”

.

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Surrogate

.Aiks is
            wanting
                            another baby
not
wanting to carry it
                                    consulting Lakhehsis
she decides
      to have Pahn
      inseminate
         a surrogate

Having
                         searched
for a while
they find            a             prostitute
 
                           and discuss
with the bellhop
the terms—
                           for $500
                             sitting
                                      in a chair
                                      in an elevator
the bellhop says
                                      Pahn may
 
                   But Pahn declines
remembering
                                 Djuturna
                         and thinks
                                            that it should

                                                           be she

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The Threat

                                                                               Above the fall
                                                                               arranging
                                                                  small stones
                                             allowing for
                                                                      exhaustion
 
                                               no matter           where
                                                                 he puts them
      they won’t
                                                             hold       Djuturna
 
                                             She flows out
                                       of the gravelly
        bed
to     crash                                                             
away                                                                                    

…

Backing someone’s                                         
Suburban from the weedy
drive he hits the gatepost
                                     breaking a light

He is approached
 
                                by a large man
                                           speaking in threats
                                                              first of insurance
                                                                 then of the family

As Pahn fends off the man’s intimidation
                   economic
              social
The man resorts to saying
                                                           that he means to hurt
                            Pahn sexually

And Pahn realizes that this 
                                      is how he can be
hurt
                                         in his dreams

without
                                                   the reinforcement
 
                  of Djuturna
                                  accepting
 
      his body

                   and speech

.

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Doctor

.In the hallway
in a hospital    Pahn is looking
for Egairia           

He sees            
      Djuturna in a blue
smock                
              and asks if    
     she knows where
Egairia is                           
 
She says
that she          
doesn’t              know
                                           and turns
                                                 to go

through a door
looking                askance

she closes                                         

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The Deity of Calm Waters

.…on a steep slope Pahn has stopped
for lunch
                               April grassy
                    still

It is a picnic with
his family
They wander   about
              the incline    talking of
              family matters

Going to the barbecue
for hamburgers            Daphnis climbs up into the rocks
                                        as is his inclination
                        and Pahn follows him to catch
            him if he falls

But Pahn keeps climbing up
                                                                to the University…

…and down again                                                     
past picnic and family                  down
to the river          in the canyon

He comes out of the woods
            onto a trestle   and crossing
              to the shade   he climbs
           over the creosote
            timbers   down
into the river                     

He swims underwater

his feet crossed like
                                        an otter   upstream in the clear light

While sitting on the silty bank
Djuturna
her chin in her hand smiles
her unending smile and

Pahn finds himself lying beneath her
her knees on either side
of his waist     swishing
             her vulva against him
            to erect his sex

and it rises      when
he holds her face
              and her shoulders
in his hands…

…Again         he is driving with Aiks
The brakes are not adequate
he wonders how such a large vehicle
could have been designed unable
to stop its own momentum

She tells him he must turn right
and he slows down just enough
to avoid rolling over

She says he must turn left now
but there is a line of cars
in the left turn lane

He doesn’t see how
he will be able
                           to stop the car in time

The brakes are only reins of leather
that require all his strength

           to stop before they crash…

.

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Phoebe Ann (A Quiet Simple Person)

With his son...Daphnis
casting through the trees
into dark and murky water

taking the line from him
to un-stick it from the bottom
Pahn pulls up a large object
that looks like a rock
but is too light to be stone

It must be Styrofoam
that has been stained
to the core
by the mud
of all these years
of lying on the bottom

A woman across the lake
single
and childless
not distracted by love
focused
professional
is quietly doing well            She walks by
                                           passing out of sight

Pahn takes the tackle
baiting the grapnel hook
with Feta cheese

Wading into the water         A teenage girl comes by
to cast further                        walking across the water
                                                       greeting in French
he swims back                                                 
to the deeper end                      A second comes by
                                                          speaking French
and casts his line                        with a few Spanish words
 
                                                  Pahn asks her if she is American
There are two large                 and she says “yes”
beautiful                                          (Her mix of languages
dark fish                                          gave her away)
circling around Pahn                                                        

One of them strikes the bait                                           
and he yanks the line                                           
to settle the hook                                          

He doesn’t see at first      Pahn is looking for something
where he has hooked it                                                        
but when he takes it            Egairia as a little girl
to show his family                  is walking around him
his wife (Aiks) asks him       Eendekoi as a little boy
why he had to catch it             is walking around him too

And when he asks                   The children are running
if he should let it go                  back      and forth
she says                                                   
that having                       Pahn is rummaging around
caught it                                   in a shoe box
damaged it                         for a present
they should eat it              for Egairia
                                          and Eendekoi
And then he sees                                 
that the hook has torn off                                  
one of its gills                  among the toy cars
showing its many tiny bones  harmonicas
and the tiny heart inside            skeletons
                                                             plastic hearts
                                                               and livers and lungs
 
                                                   Finally he looks down
                                                   and sees at his side
                                                 a little girl
                           with a rifle
on her shoulder—

Annie Oakley
as a child
                  and he thinks

this is the perfect gift

                                                 for them

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Pseudo Djuturna

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…strolling thirstily
                      a University corridor
                     like an airport hallway
        looking for a fountain
finding water

                       in the basin
                                         of a potted plant

                                            in someone else’s cup

Coming to a lobby
                 like the reception area
                  of a private clinic
Pahn sees two students                                       

Across the room                                                   
there appears to be                         
a drinking fountain                     

but approaching it                                        
Pahn sees that it is    only ornamental               
with re-circulating water
not safe to drink

He stops to talk to the students                                      
because he is lonely for them                    

He tells them he is dying                                             
                   of thirst

One of them is blond                                                            
wearing brown and beige                  
and she smiles broader than belief                       
pulling a can of soda                        
from her net   bag              
saying                                                  

“Here
                              You can have this”

Pahn is reluctant                                                         
because he feels like he is mooching            
and he is afraid                                              
that soda will not slake his thirst

But he accepts it from her                                   
in shyness
drinking a long draught
        because he is so thirsty
and the taste is good—                              
                                         not as sweet as he expected
                                       the fizz not as coarse

Looking up                     
the other woman                                         
who is wearing              
the color of negation
is talking to him

and as she speaks                                    
her clothes become navy
                     and her hair lightens to brown

She is turning into Djuturna                                

He walks with her                                                     

with her calming blue eyes
suggesting water
and her penetrating smile
that runs down his throat
massaging                

                       the tension
from his chest

She tells him    she has a boyfriend                              
but that it’s all right                         

and they go to her dorm
to lie on her bed
                         with the boyfriend watching
                                               in the background

Lying on top of her
                      his arms under her shoulders
                            and his hands around her face
Pahn is nearly inside her                            
when she says
 
                      she is sorry but they can’t

because
she has forgotten her                         
                          Polypropylphenolene
that she takes                         
                                 to avoid pregnancy
or disease

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