Suburban Ruins

…In the country
by a creek they walk
as often                     on a paved road

Penelopeya 
         Hehrmess 
                                 and their little boy
                                                                    Ahgreyeuss

He scrambles
over the banks
pointing out frogs and sticks
insects under logs

He becomes alone
where the stream runs straighter
to the suburbs
through the rip-wrap
wire
bars and
broken blocks

Then flowing
across the cracked
cement searching rushes
and pools

finding goldfish in the confusion
of human wild 
                               shopping carts
                           cattails
                                riffles
                                          bathtubs

It is a meaningful wasteland
of percolation

filling his pockets
                   with foot-long pollywogs
             painted turtles

Out of the Gaping Mouth

 ...two arrows                            

by a house                              

in the deep                                                                           
chasm of granite                                                            
wide meadows              glacial                    

erratics                                   

                          talus
                                     grey         live-
oaks    
                      stiff
brush
straight                                                 
pines                            

where lives an old man                             
who is Pahn's instuctor                     One arrow
has an orange                   
square  
                                     edge                         one arrow
is cylindrical
with three feathers     Pahn
has a bow and goes out to shoot      though
he worries     the old man
                                      might not approve                   A car
comes up    and
Pahn hides from the Cadillac people
                                                                          concealing
the old man’s sacred
arrows    safe                                   

Inside
Pahn eats chocolate-
chip enchiladas      and resting     an earthquake
waves long                                                             
strong even                           
It is a rolling changer of scenes…        

…Wayland arrives
and he and Pahn head home   they
drive the desiccated remnants
of outwash turmoil                                                             
in a blue bus through
a geology
                              of eruptions
landslides                                                      
speeders
                                                                    and missiles
peril                   

There are people                            
in trances
woolen             blankets          turquoise            passing
the blue bus       There is a long
steep
                        hill that greens
as the vehicle climbs
and a couple wearing deerskin
robes   walking     arms out     turns to embrace         knowing
Pahn and Wayland                                                 
will be safe…

…the lowlands                                                                       
of walnut orchards and fast-food
ripple like fat on a dog               and
they are welcomed                                                
to the cardboard restaurant
and delivered
                      to a man with a stick

This man hits them    many times
until                  
finally              Pahn breaks his stick
Wayland approves…

…in a candy store                                                  
Hehrmess takes a giant dessert                                                  
in a candy store                                                      
Pahn buys a lot of chocolate                                                  
chocolate relish
Wayland buys rocks for his turtle
Pahn eats them crumbly…                          

…the old man   Pahn's instructor      rolls him on his rug
Pahn is sick    he needs to be made well
The old man massages Pahn’s back…

In Pahn's Garden

Pahn hears noises outside his barn
Someone is in the garden
He walks out into bright day
and witnesses          a great destruction
The poplars lie prone
Hehrmess stands with his saw
Pahn doesn’t know      if he wanted this
“There is no place to store the wood”
Pahn tells Herhmess

Hehrmess cuts more
                                        rapacious
Pahn says

“these trees are yours                                                                   
but I have trained them”                                       

Hehrmess becomes mad
                                          thrashing about
and Pahn speaks hurriedly
frightened
defending his life with fervent oratory
pleading
reasoning
raising his voice

Hehrmess has                                             
 
          “pragmatized it”
he says                                            

Pahn’s voice has gone hoarse                              

he will start over

                            the years of trying to see

And now they walk together
Pahn and Hehrmess      silently
with ceremony behind the barn                        
                         where Hehrmess buries himself         solemnly

in the vegetable garden

 

 

The Country Fair

.Pahn has driven by himself
to the country fair
                    in the afternoon
to buy books

As a small boy                          
he is standing among the stacks
 
                       He has been told that to be left-
                                 handed
                    like Hehrmess
his father               he cannot
have arms

Looking down at that boy
                      he is pleased to see that he is
armless
 
                                        unable to push away

But there is no one there

An adult                                                
who wants to be harmless would like to reach
                             and hug that child
                               but has to go to find his family…

…Pahn has gone away           and returned in the evening

Here in a dark       wooden room     Ahstrild
                   gives him her friend    before she leaves

Though Pahn has aged
         in these twenty years
Ahstrild’s friend        is still a teenager

They go to
                                 the ride

the one Ahstrild
                                    would have taken him on
They climb in                                                         
and the friend apologizes
                       that they can’t sit...next to
each other          

“They say it is too dangerous
when only two are in the ride”

It is hard to get into                     
the elaborate seat belts
that hold their thighs
and waists
and ankles

A young man joins them
   as the ride becomes 
     another wooden
                                          house

Pahn asks the man    what he has done in all this time
since he   and Ahstrild were young

And the man tells them
“I got a ride with a gentleman
and the car rolled”
                                                            (He is starting to cry)

“And it was a Cadillac”
                                                (He is falling apart
                                                like the car
                                                as it
                                                rolled)

“It cost so much”

There is nothing to be done

Driving again
                                  stopping
at the signs    with the brakes
         that so seldom
                              work on the hills…

…Egairia comes
                                     into the wooden house

Watching at a distance                                               
Pahn sees himself
greet her
He sees himself
talking with her   but   he can’t hear what they are saying
                         his view is grainy in the poor light
                              He can see she is serious...but not upset

She gesticulates
                                             like he does
maybe she shakes

his hand    and they both leave the room

.

.

Acknowledgment

.

Sitting on a couch...............................
Djuturna and Pahn................
.........turned toward each other
their bodies pushed together
they speak softly .......like clothing
that slides against their skin
and they can feel each other’s contours
sinking into his davenport nest

and he says...........................................................

“I would like to make love to you
but I don’t know if I should”

and she...............................................................

“I know .....I am in the same position
with a husband ..and children ........but sometimes
we have to do it anyway”

He is glad of how she feels...............................
.........................and imagines the joy

but his father comes in
and they all lie with his family
and talk about how they feel..
......and after hearing Pahn’s mother’s voice
..................Djuturna retires to her bedroom
and wonders aloud................................

“should I leave my door open for you?”

Pahn says.............................................................

“yes”

but she is concerned about the children

A relative’s child comes in ...and shuts
all the doors ...and Pahn
........................................must return
.................................................................to his sleeping couch
............................still thinking
he may
.........love her
..........soon
...................lying
.........................................somewhere…


…Together
at the dinner table
with his mother
................and father ...and
.................................................other members of his family

he explains to Djuturna...........................
and sometimes ...........apologizes..
for his family’s................
customs.........

Chandra--a Guide to the Spirit World

Pahn and Aiks are staying

at a hotel      The room is dim       lit

by a grey-blue glow that comes from an unseen source—

perhaps the adjacent bathroom

Pahn

leaves the room to go get something…

….He goes into the mountains…

…He is walking

up a trail

       in a small

sloping valley  

paralleling             a small creek    

                        with winter 

                        brush

As the land

slowly

rises     

he finds

large

and shaggy      maples                   

still holding     there gold        

autumn

leaves

  

It is a foreign place     a place

he has never visited before      not even in his dreams 

He explores

 The trail seems                             

to take him

back

to the hotel  

It is dusk now

             The sky is the grey-blue of evening overcast  

                  He crosses the lawn that lies

between      the hotel rooms      and the lobby  

  Pahn

is interested in the grass            It is

a tall grass that isn’t mown         It is

like rattlesnake grass   only shorter     and apparently 

evergreen        growing in the manner

   of Berkeley Sedge…

…He is briefly in the lobby of the hotel      then

starts to walk toward his room        There is

a glassed panel          at an angle

along the eave of the second floor      that acts

like a mirror    showing any room that is lit and Pahn

can plainly see          Aiks sleeping on the bed  

Pahn sees        that she has the usual shape

of a reclining woman

 

and she is

attractive to him                   

Pahn

is a little concerned    that she is in view to anyone

but knows            

that when they turn off the lights                             

      no one will be able             to see 

He comes into the room

and tells her that she is in plain view      and

some stranger      seeing her

        might come in        to have her 

She smiles and laughs mischievously 

and says

“you are a stranger”

 “I am a stranger?”      he asks

 “Yes you are a stranger”

                      He climbs onto her bed

and leans         over her knees                    

and as he pulls her up to him

the blankets fall away                

and her clothes

are already gone

The two of them sink down                 

 into the mattress                                         

and his penis is already                                           

snuggling into her vulva      He pushes into her

      and he begins to thrust           gently     

at first             

He feels a little awkward in this position     and thinks

he is at an angle that is better         if she is on top 

She is on top for a moment

but when he thinks     it would be better

if he were taking her    from behind    she is

in yet another position                                     

of indefinite nature—

inside out

                       upside down

                                                                      across the room 

finally

he is behind her            holding her waist

and pulling her onto him

as he thrusts

       in this position 

       he suddenly wonders

 if it would be better

with Djuturna              

 

In that moment            Aiks in fact

becomes Djuturna—Djuturna who is lighter and thinner

 and he can move her faster

and more easily

He is clutching the soft flesh of her buttocks

as he pulls her

onto him           He loosens             

 his grip slightly      briefly    when he thinks he is pinching

 and he is getting very close

He is so close

that he is surprised

 that he hasn’t come yet…

…Pahn is in Djuturna’s kitchen           talking

 Their conversation swirls                              

and flows        like a stream             

first swishing                    against one rock

then against another   and he wonders                

if he is projecting                 

  when she seems to be

 suggesting

that they make love                   

He thinks that her children are too old now to ignore—

they would be aware

and they would know

He thinks of her husband

who now must be in the adjacent room           and

 is surprised again

that she would suggest they make love          when

he might come in at any time 

Then it is Pahn who is suggesting love

and it is Djuturna who apologizes because they can’t

and

in the absence of opportunity            he says

he must leave         

and they hug

with sad and desperate affection         

for a very long time

until her husband          comes in          and they break

and she makes some excuse for their embrace

and she pours them

lemonade          and some other drink

 

There is

a fourth person now   and they all clink glasses

At first

Pahn wonders           how he will clink

 because they haven’t given him a glass

 but he raises his hand anyway

and realizes

he already was holding a glass

even though theirs

are full

and his        is nearly empty

They all clink glasses together at once

and then Djuturna                           

clinks Pahn’s       a second time

just to be sure theirs have touched

and their lemonades

 splash onto each other…

…Hehrmess has come to pick up Pahn

and is waiting  with Djuturna as Pahn gets ready to leave

 Pahn is surprised       when Djuturna lets out a sob

and hugs Pahn desperately           crying

and expressing her desolation

          at having to let him go

He is a little embarrassed

that she has done this

in front of Hehrmess               but then he is so moved

and grateful that she wants him so much

and when she finally pulls herself together

and lets him go          he leans back into her and kisses

her tear-streaked cheek             He is surprised at doing this

 in front of his father    but feels at that point

that he will understand       and      or       simply doesn’t

 care

…

Pahn is with Aiks      and she says

he could get a job driving a school bus 

He says

that would be no better than his current job   She insists

 that it would be better       though she is

laughing as she says it         

He says

the bus is too large   and dangerous        and

he doesn’t want the responsibility

for the lives of all those children

and for a moment      he is driving the bus

and comes to a place            on a wooded road

where he has to turn   onto another road       The edges

of the intersection      are not clearly marked       and 

there is a sign in the way     so       he

has to swing out wide to make the turn

Then just as suddenly

he is back talking to Aiks

…

He is in Djuturna’s kitchen again

which is open to the woods

He has just walked up a path

far too narrow for a bus

First

Djuturna says

that they have to stay on the path

and then

she squeezes herself into a long clear tube

and Pahn says to Aiks

or whoever it is that is with him

 that Djuturna must know what's best

because she is Chandra—a guide

to the spirit world