Seeking Wayland

.There is a note in Ahgreyeuss Pahn’s pocket
It is Wayland’s address

Ahgreyeuss goes to meet him

Busy
large
cross street
                          a white convertible skids to a stop
There is a wealthy woman inside
                                                   wearing white
“Get in and drive”
                             she says
                                              angrily

Ahgreyeuss ignores her
                                        He jaywalks
               A policeman stops him
                               The policeman is angry too
                                                                        he says
“You are an asshole       I’m gonna write you up for jay-
walking fella jaywalking         that lady wanted you to drive
her car so that her son could be saved but you wouldn’t do it
Now her son is dead
               someone is dead because of you”

Ahgreyeuss protests
                                “I didn’t know
                                                            She didn’t say—
                                                 how could I know?”

The policeman calms
                                               apologizes
                                                                    says
                                                             its O.K.

Ahgreyeuss walks up streets
                                                               shaken
                         left
                                                                         right
                                                                                 up a hill
                           following the notes directions
                                  Where Wayland’s house should be
                                                                             there is a bar
                                                      He keeps walking
                                                He reaches the university grounds
                                                                       a Japanese garden
                                                                         many new students
                                                                            strangers

                                           He speaks to a friend
                                       A woman comes to chat—
                                   he ignores her
                                                    She is not Wayland
                                         He leaves

He returns to the bar where Wayland’s house should be
There are telephones
                                  He calls Rakhehla—
                                                                        no answer
                                  He calls her twice—
                                                                        no answer
                                              (the telephone is black)
                                  He calls her again—
                                                                       she doesn’t
                                                           know where Wayland is
                   She says
                          “I love you”
              On another telephone
                          someone is calling someone
                                        She is a girl in leotards
                       Ahgreyeuss asks her
                                          if she knows where Wayland is
“Wayland couldn’t come”
                                                  She says

.

.

The Drawing of a Dream

                          …In disheveled
                                  in student housing
                           kitchen and cupboard
doors leading
                           to the private quarters

alone                                      
             Ahgreyeuss Pahn
                  is an anxious stranger
A woman comes in from privacy                                                          
freckled dark                                                                 

to eat toast                                                                                 
ignoring Pahn…

…Pahn walks through a door                                                                    
to find a studio                                                                
large                  modern..
bone white walls
easels
canvas 
 drop-cloth

A photographer takes pictures                                                      
of his girlfriend
while Pahn gets in his way                                

Pahn looks out over the fields and woods
lies down     covering himself                       
                           with a white sleeping bag
He listens                                                           
to other rooms                        
through the heating vent

The photographer (now an artist) is a little annoyed
but Pahn seems to have       a place here—
no longer            a stranger…                             

…Now he possesses the place                        
                                              modern mansion
wearing a suit                       
drinking                                    
      looking over his spring estate
expecting friends                   

They arrive in an old station wagon

rusted and muddied
A woman stands near them                                

and though she resembles                               
                                   a pleasant waitress
                                                             that he met in Portland
                                                               at a Thai restaurant
she is                                                                  
in fact          evil                              
and of the             
                                       CIA

She drives a square     business car                      
        and tells Pahn’s friends that they cannot park
in the place where they have parked                                       

and she threatens Pahn also

In disbelief                                                                                 
Pahn is livid                                                                         
and throws her to the ground
to hurt her
                             tearing her clothes
and lying on top of her
But stopping to wonder                                              
at his own actions

Pahn ceases                                                              

thinking                                         
“I will get in trouble
and

it is not what I mean”

So he forgets…

                               ….he walks
leaving home and room-mates
to hitchhike…                        

              …the university is his grammar school
He hitchhikes there      many times                                              
remembering every ride                                       
Wayland comes by          and asks about the drivers                
and Pahn says                                                               

“They are all good and friendly
                                                                     and come soon”…

…Pahn is no place now                               
There is nothing behind him

he looks only
and sees
from no age
no shape
but speaks
to impressions of
people near

                      Penelopeya

               Ahnjehlia
                       and another woman
                                      his future bride?
A pair of hands       show drawings
Images       from his childhood
                              a spotted dog
Excited                                                                
Pahn asks Penelopeya

                                          “Did we have a spotted dog?”

The drawing comes animated
and a dancing woman crosses the lawn in front of their big
                                                                white
                                                                                           house
She is                                                                    
mother           
sister                
and someone else      

Pahn holds a basketball                                    
and he is happy                      

Mother/sister/other                                            
throws the ball high

              past hoop and houses
and Pahn exclaims                               

“It is as a dream
It will go higher than it could and come
down slowly like in my dreams of falling and
never touch the ground”

so it falls                                                                                
metamorphosing                                                   
to freeze into the drawing                         as a many colored mushroom                  

And Pahn asks                                                                         
“Who drew this wonderful picture of a dream”…

…It is in a book                                                                      
He is in the library                                                  
with Galaksaura               
He says

“I didn’t know you animated
Did you draw this”

“Yes”
She says                                                          

.

.

A Hole in the Fence

Coming from a dark
      warehouse of garden
          supplies and alterations
from a lawn in a dim corner
where a woman in
a white dress plays         
                            croquet with green children
Pahn wanders                                                       
among his images
                         like a gardener
                                                   on his estate constructing
                                        his own landmarks         he brushes
under the pines into a hybrid                                               
childhood of well tended shrubs                       
and backyard woods      He settles
in the humus morning                                                           
of dew and garden floor                                                          
the sprinkled walks and                                                     
breathing leaves   the glaze of mind
           playing the air   thoughts of Ahnjehlia
showing in the foliage and
memory changing the landscape     Then
unannounced through                                           
a hole in the redwood boundary                                        
at the edge of the yard                                               a bear                
comes bounding in from the woods
like Moses the dog         but
Pahn can’t explain him    as a dog    or         
give him a name like religion                       
or ask him questions                                    
                             about life        so the bear
                             attacks him aimlessly
devouring his safe
and customary knowledge

There are dogs barking    at the bear
             so Pahn locks them     in the playhouse
He wrestles the bear                                               
with determination
and encouraged      by what Wayland might say
Pahn thrusts his hand down                                             
the bear’s throat                                     
sacrificing            
                                      his arm only to realize
                  this bear has many mouths    that could devour
                                                                   both arms
                       and both legs
                                                       and more       Knowing
his limbs are useless   Pahn
clamps his will around the bear’s head
and smashes it repeatedly
against the ground    until                                                    
the bear relaxes   falls away
and Pahn becomes detached       Finally

Pahn walks off under his eyelid

with Wayland’s
brown dog...

 

 

Out of the Gaping Mouth

 ...two arrows                            

by a house                              

in the deep                                                                           
chasm of granite                                                            
wide meadows              glacial                    

erratics                                   

                          talus
                                     grey         live-
oaks    
                      stiff
brush
straight                                                 
pines                            

where lives an old man                             
who is Pahn's instuctor                     One arrow
has an orange                   
square  
                                     edge                         one arrow
is cylindrical
with three feathers     Pahn
has a bow and goes out to shoot      though
he worries     the old man
                                      might not approve                   A car
comes up    and
Pahn hides from the Cadillac people
                                                                          concealing
the old man’s sacred
arrows    safe                                   

Inside
Pahn eats chocolate-
chip enchiladas      and resting     an earthquake
waves long                                                             
strong even                           
It is a rolling changer of scenes…        

…Wayland arrives
and he and Pahn head home   they
drive the desiccated remnants
of outwash turmoil                                                             
in a blue bus through
a geology
                              of eruptions
landslides                                                      
speeders
                                                                    and missiles
peril                   

There are people                            
in trances
woolen             blankets          turquoise            passing
the blue bus       There is a long
steep
                        hill that greens
as the vehicle climbs
and a couple wearing deerskin
robes   walking     arms out     turns to embrace         knowing
Pahn and Wayland                                                 
will be safe…

…the lowlands                                                                       
of walnut orchards and fast-food
ripple like fat on a dog               and
they are welcomed                                                
to the cardboard restaurant
and delivered
                      to a man with a stick

This man hits them    many times
until                  
finally              Pahn breaks his stick
Wayland approves…

…in a candy store                                                  
Hehrmess takes a giant dessert                                                  
in a candy store                                                      
Pahn buys a lot of chocolate                                                  
chocolate relish
Wayland buys rocks for his turtle
Pahn eats them crumbly…                          

…the old man   Pahn's instructor      rolls him on his rug
Pahn is sick    he needs to be made well
The old man massages Pahn’s back…

The Memory of a Prophetic Dream

.Pahn was looking at divided lights across
a spool table
with stump chairs
in a kitchen with yellow walls

and halfway in his reflection
and halfway through
the window    to the rainy dark north
outside

he was reminded
of a dream he had many years before
in which he had a wife named Aiks
and standing there     looking across the kitchen

he wondered
if the dream was prophetic and he might
yet    find her someday

Wayland came into the room
and Pahn turned to him saying

“I believe I will marry a woman
named Aiks”

Delphina's Bear

Flying in

from the Pacific

over the damp summit

of dark sequoias

onto the intersections

of Los Gatos

he lands

in the mall

in a big box store

among the swirls         

of clothing

and people

Walking to the back                            

to the loading zones               

he looks for the queue                                                  

to claim his car                                     

He imagines                  always                                                

that it is easy                                                                

but it turns out                                                                          

that it isn’t easy                                                

He needs a dog-tag                                                                       

                           Yes  

                     he has a dog-tag         San Jose

it feels comfortable                                                     

in his hand                                                       

soft                                                      

to his fingers                            

but he was supposed                                                         

to have made arrangements                           

at the desk                                           

Going back to the desk                                              

he knows that he won’t get there                                        

Because he never does—

something always

comes up

                      So he is                                        

in the parking lot                                                       

 waiting for his car                                                      

to be brought up                               

knowing that it won’t be                                              

because he

    hasn’t followed procedure                                            

having done something wrong              

Always

having done something wrong

         and there he meets Delphina                                                          

who tells him                                        

she just got back                                                    

   and she’s a little worried                                        

because

she left her bear                                               

in her car                     

while she was away

She isn’t concerned                                                       

about the bear

   because she knows                                                 

he’ll be all right                                    

She’s worried about                                                   

the attendants

because                       

they might not like it                                       

that she left a bear                            

in a car                                    

in their parking lot       

for three days

But she says

                                                    

"I don't care what they think                            

and they’d better not                                    

have bothered my bear"                       

Pahn worries with her                                                           

for a minute

then she hugs him                                          

 and goes                                             

Pahn walks back                                                                

into the dark neighborhoods             

            to his friend Wayland’s house              

     in a friendly manner