Chandra--a Guide to the Spirit World


Pahn and Aiks are staying
at a hotel      The room is dim       lit
by a grey-blue glow that comes from an unseen source—
perhaps the adjacent bathroom
Pahn
leaves the room to go get something…

….He goes into the mountains…

…He is walking
up a trail
       in a small
sloping valley  
paralleling             a small creek    
                        with winter 
                        brush

As the land
slowly
rises     
he finds
large
and shaggy      maples                   
still holding     there gold        
autumn
leaves
  
It is a foreign place     a place
he has never visited before      not even in his dreams 
He explores
 The trail seems                             
to take him
back
to the hotel  

It is dusk now
             The sky is the grey-blue of evening overcast  

                  He crosses the lawn that lies
between      the hotel rooms      and the lobby  
  Pahn
is interested in the grass            It is
a tall grass that isn’t mown         It is
like rattlesnake grass   only shorter     and apparently 
evergreen        growing in the manner
   of Berkeley Sedge…

…He is briefly in the lobby of the hotel      then
starts to walk toward his room        There is
a glassed panel          at an angle
along the eave of the second floor      that acts
like a mirror    showing any room that is lit and Pahn
can plainly see          Aiks sleeping on the bed  

Pahn sees        that she has the usual shape
of a reclining woman
 
and she is
attractive to him                   

Pahn
is a little concerned    that she is in view to anyone
but knows            
that when they turn off the lights                             
      no one will be able             to see 

He comes into the room
and tells her that she is in plain view      and
some stranger      seeing her
        might come in        to have her 

She smiles and laughs mischievously 
and says

“you are a stranger”

 “I am a stranger?”      he asks

 “Yes you are a stranger”

                      He climbs onto her bed
and leans         over her knees                    
and as he pulls her up to him
the blankets fall away                
and her clothes
are already gone

The two of them sink down                 
 into the mattress                                         
and his penis is already                                           
snuggling into her vulva      He pushes into her

      and he begins to thrust           gently     
at first             

He feels a little awkward in this position     and thinks
he is at an angle that is better         if she is on top 

She is on top for a moment
but when he thinks     it would be better
if he were taking her    from behind    she is
in yet another position                                     
of indefinite nature—
inside out
                       upside down
                                                                      across the room 
finally
he is behind her            holding her waist
and pulling her onto him
as he thrusts
       in this position 
       he suddenly wonders
 if it would be better

with Djuturna              
 
In that moment            Aiks in fact
becomes Djuturna—Djuturna who is lighter and thinner
 and he can move her faster
and more easily
He is clutching the soft flesh of her buttocks
as he pulls her
onto him           He loosens             
 his grip slightly      briefly    when he thinks he is pinching
 and he is getting very close
He is so close
that he is surprised
 that he hasn’t come yet…

…Pahn is in Djuturna’s kitchen           talking
 Their conversation swirls                              
and flows        like a stream             
first swishing                    against one rock
then against another   and he wonders                
if he is projecting                 
  when she seems to be
 suggesting
that they make love                   

He thinks that her children are too old now to ignore—
they would be aware
and they would know

He thinks of her husband
who now must be in the adjacent room           and
 is surprised again
that she would suggest they make love          when
he might come in at any time 

Then it is Pahn who is suggesting love
and it is Djuturna who apologizes because they can’t
and
in the absence of opportunity            he says
he must leave         

and they hug
with sad and desperate affection         
for a very long time
until her husband          comes in          and they break
and she makes some excuse for their embrace
and she pours them
lemonade          and some other drink
 
There is
a fourth person now   and they all clink glasses

At first
Pahn wonders           how he will clink
 because they haven’t given him a glass
 but he raises his hand anyway
and realizes
he already was holding a glass
even though theirs
are full
and his        is nearly empty

They all clink glasses together at once
and then Djuturna                           
clinks Pahn’s       a second time
just to be sure theirs have touched
and their lemonades
 splash onto each other…

Hehrmess has come to pick up Pahn
and is waiting  with Djuturna as Pahn gets ready to leave

 Pahn is surprised       when Djuturna lets out a sob
and hugs Pahn desperately           crying
and expressing her desolation
          at having to let him go

He is a little embarrassed
that she has done this
in front of Hehrmess               but then he is so moved
and grateful that she wants him so much
and when she finally pulls herself together
and lets him go          he leans back into her and kisses
her tear-streaked cheek             He is surprised at doing this
 in front of his father    but feels at that point
that he will understand       and      or       simply doesn’t
 care


Pahn is with Aiks      and she says
he could get a job driving a school bus 
He says
that would be no better than his current job   She insists
 that it would be better       though she is
laughing as she says it         
He says
the bus is too large   and dangerous        and
he doesn’t want the responsibility
for the lives of all those children
and for a moment      he is driving the bus
and comes to a place            on a wooded road
where he has to turn   onto another road       The edges
of the intersection      are not clearly marked       and 
there is a sign in the way     so       he
has to swing out wide to make the turn

Then just as suddenly
he is back talking to Aiks


He is in Djuturna’s kitchen again
which is open to the woods
He has just walked up a path
far too narrow for a bus
First
Djuturna says
that they have to stay on the path
and then
she squeezes herself into a long clear tube
and Pahn says to Aiks
or whoever it is that is with him
 that Djuturna must know what's best
because she is Chandra—a guide
to the spirit world

 

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS


Some of these poems originally appeared in the following publications

Avocet
Dream International Quarterly
mojo risin'
The Muse Apprentice Guild (The MAG)
Transfer

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