Rakhehla

.
From the wilderness
         by stages       rainless     stony
                        striking        rocks for water

                       sanctuary
                                  to be in pain
                                                    because of          the expanse of

                                                                             thunder is filled

barren         then flowering

          deep
                        wet

                       touching the soft desert pouch
                              of contained liquid

standing by the circle of stones
         asking for drink

                          mouth damp


                 well      and stone
                    lip       and dipper
                                                      We are
      parting dry

           into the dusty

                                             sparse
                        liminal
                                 steps
                                                toward a remote
                                                                                 slaking
 
 

Seeking Wayland

.There is a note in Ahgreyeuss Pahn’s pocket
It is Wayland’s address

Ahgreyeuss goes to meet him

Busy
large
cross street
                          a white convertible skids to a stop
There is a wealthy woman inside
                                                   wearing white
“Get in and drive”
                             she says
                                              angrily

Ahgreyeuss ignores her
                                        He jaywalks
               A policeman stops him
                               The policeman is angry too
                                                                        he says
“You are an asshole       I’m gonna write you up for jay-
walking fella jaywalking         that lady wanted you to drive
her car so that her son could be saved but you wouldn’t do it
Now her son is dead
               someone is dead because of you”

Ahgreyeuss protests
                                “I didn’t know
                                                            She didn’t say—
                                                 how could I know?”

The policeman calms
                                               apologizes
                                                                    says
                                                             its O.K.

Ahgreyeuss walks up streets
                                                               shaken
                         left
                                                                         right
                                                                                 up a hill
                           following the notes directions
                                  Where Wayland’s house should be
                                                                             there is a bar
                                                      He keeps walking
                                                He reaches the university grounds
                                                                       a Japanese garden
                                                                         many new students
                                                                            strangers

                                           He speaks to a friend
                                       A woman comes to chat—
                                   he ignores her
                                                    She is not Wayland
                                         He leaves

He returns to the bar where Wayland’s house should be
There are telephones
                                  He calls Rakhehla—
                                                                        no answer
                                  He calls her twice—
                                                                        no answer
                                              (the telephone is black)
                                  He calls her again—
                                                                       she doesn’t
                                                           know where Wayland is
                   She says
                          “I love you”
              On another telephone
                          someone is calling someone
                                        She is a girl in leotards
                       Ahgreyeuss asks her
                                          if she knows where Wayland is
“Wayland couldn’t come”
                                                  She says

.

.

Twins

.
Ahgreyeuss        and Rakhehla
as children
are in a bath

smiling at themselves
arms around                                                   
each     other                                                                    
fingers                                                                                       
cheeks                                                                                        
identical                                                                                   
and five years                                                                     
Flesh colored room                                                 
            and tub warmth
                                           spongy smooth
                                                             porcelain
                                                               and skin
                                                 They are sisters
                                     They sit and steam
                              breathing in
           their choice

thinking of
each                other
the last time                                                                     
                                                                   as strangers
They                                reach
samely           curling
their
bodies together

.

.

A Man

.
Ahgreyeuss is visiting a university
                                                                     a courtyard
                                                      where there are no classes
fictitious students
Amid celebration      
he sits observing                                                      
          uncertain

He walks institutional
                                       hallways
visiting bathrooms
               looking for empty stalls
like grottos                                                                      

                a place of privacy

He climbs a narrow stair
and finds an old bath
                                                        claw footed       and brass
                                          with a courtyard view

But as he sits            he looks up and sees
            that he is visible here           from the third floor
and a crowd stares down bemused

There is a sparring man mocking
Ahgreyeuss calls him out
They meet in the courtyard
but just tell jokes

Ahgreyeuss finds Rakhehla
                          who hugs and kisses him
and thus fortified he goes off to war

…

Curious                                          
Ahgreyeuss crawls upon the ground
to manifest terror
          to feel what it is like
in such peril

But he finds no bullets strike him
and so without danger he leaves
                                                                relieved

Still curious
                             he walks down a jungle road

A woman walking with him
                    becomes his fear
                                   screaming the horror
                                    at skeletal war victims

and turns into a man

They are seeking an abandoned war truck
to drive out of this jungle
and leave this war scene            

but when they find it                                               
they find also                                                   
                two adolescent girls
and a table nearby

And they would drive away
                  but this man wishes
                    to stay        Fearing
              his intentions
              for the girls
Ahgreyeuss grabs him
                                        picks him up
and carries him away
                                        to tie him harmless

But as Ahgreyeuss runs he looks at his burden
and becomes uncertain
if he is still Ahgreyeuss
or if he is the man
                                      or if he is one of the girls in his arms—

Soon they are all four alternating
                               and one      is always suspecting      another
of wanting
                              to carry off a girl
and take her                            

                                           on the table

.

.

Performance

.Two shades of wood
a dark-colored bar                         
           light from a window
a student playing piano          

Ahgreyeuss sips and visits                                                             
with Rakhehla                         
She says the professor will let him play          later

The class meets in this bar
amid light notes
               and dark harmony

The student player gets up and returns to a seat

Ahgreyeuss goes to the piano                                                       
He moves the piano                                                                       
He adjusts the bench                                                                   
nervous                                     
He plays                                                                                   
He agitates the keys                                                
                          existentially

Darkness comes into the bar

                Ahgreyeuss sits playing black notes
                     but when he plays the white notes
they darken
maroon                grey             black

The piano sounds papery
Titles lie on the keys                                    
In wild rhythms
he shelves                                                             
and shelves
                                                 the volumes in the library

It’s closing time                                               
                                The patrons leave quietly                no remarks
But Rakhehla says                                                                       
... “I like your rhythm and cadence
but I’m not sure about your songs”

Ahgreyeuss Pahn          worries about the books                     

.

.

Chocolate

.On a riverboat
as Pahn steps into a room
a man steps out

Pahn means to think nothing of this
but cries instead
and Rakhehla holds him
and she sings to him
his old songs
and though he can’t decide if she understands them
or if knowing them (him)
makes a difference
finally he feels something
even if it isn’t love
and so it is time to join the men

Pahn sits with laughers
friends of hers
They eat chocolate
Pahn eats chocolate
and laughs too

Pahn sees the price—
eight dollars
for one big slab
and there are many

Leaving the steamboat
he walks
and something is wrong
His sister
Ahnjehlia
garden and heather
sits near a gate
upset
Pahn asks why

She won’t answer
but her stomach is sick and coming up
Pahn speculates that she

has eaten too much chocolate

.

.

His Mother From the Sky

.
…Pahn wants to get there
                        but there are no more tickets

He buys a ticket to another place      instead
thinking it is better to go somewhere
than to stay
After entering the station                                                   
he realizes
                that once inside
he may take any train he likes

…

wandering about a University building…

                                                                         …after a while
sitting on a balcony
with Yaohwa

looking over the side
he sees the backs of wild animals                                  dogs?
                                   peccaries?
he asks Yaohwa which they are                              
 
                                Yaohwa doesn’t know
but soon they show their tusks

Pahn sprays them with water                 
                                     from a hose
to shoo them away

he is making a mess with emotion     without effect

One peccary jumps up to the hose
biting the nozzle                   
Pahn shakes it                                                
to knock him off…


…Pahn is driving a rented camper-van
Aiks follows                              
in a car

They stop at a sign                                                          
and Pahn gets out of the van
The people in the car behind them     honk      
and Pahn gets back in the car
                    to get out of their way…

…They are sitting in the grass                         
             There is lightning in the distance    obscured
                                                 by the tall brush
Pahn gets up excitedly                                              
trying to get a better view
 
                     The electricity quickly cracks above
revealed                                                    
                               as a cloud-shrouded metallic rock
lightning rays pouring   from
                                                      a hole in its side
splintering
and                        
                                  cascading
                                   all
around                                           

Pahn’s awe turns to fear                                         
as the rock descends
as if to take him
 
          The clouds clear away showing
                            the rock in the shape of a silver bed
                                                                      with many lights

circling down to Pahn and Aiks
           turning into a geodesic sphere
                                               of shiny plates
                           encrusted with lights     and bolts

and Pahn shoos it away like the Peccary

What is he afraid of? …

…Back in the van                                              
Pahn misses the exit
pulling on cords to slow the vehicle
as it turns into a bobsled
sliding to a stop
nearly rolling

They have come to a place that they have
                                                                        visited recently
near Rakhehla’s land—

mild hills
                           of soft spring grass

and old blossoming   orchards

.

.

Withdrawal

.
Staying in his hometown                    
thinking in the past                   
Pahn decides to try to find Rakhehla                
Wondering
why he hasn’t thought of it before
he calls information                  
and talks to her family   
getting her address            
                                         and phone number

She is living in the Heights                           
at the base of El Sereno                     
Pahn goes to see her                                                       
happy                                                      
that she is still alive…

        …and they talk awhile
        though he can’t hear the words
                       sitting on the floor
                                 in her wooden house
                                   in front of the empty fireplace
                   with her books
         and her easels
 
                                      And on the mountain
                                         in the background
                        there is a stream of pilgrims
      going into the wilderness
that Pahn for the moment
doesn’t need

…

Pahn and Aiks are by a river
 the water acting strangely
falling                                                
through chutes and ladders
the wild stone                                                        
and the engineered concrete

There is woodland nearby                                
where Pahn’s family owns a parcel
for camping


Looking across the wood

Pahn knows he has killed someone

and the body will soon be found

He knows he can hide
                         in the wilderness
He knows he needs
very little
just a steel knife
for carving
and a hatchet
                                    would help

He thinks for a moment                                         
he should have a gun to hunt
but thinks again
            that he doesn’t need even that
                He knows how to make a bow out of yew
and arrows
and to make fire with a wooden drill
and the habits of animals
and the plants he can eat

He knows it allfrom when he was a young hermit
and made plans
           to leave society
and spent his ten years
in the wilderness
avoiding
             civilization

He goes to a store to buy the knife and hatchet
but he hasn’t enough cash
                              and is afraid to use his credit card
because           it could be traced
                                     and they may have already found
                                                               the body

They may already be looking for him

…

He is in his bathroom                                     
looking in the mirror       
He sees that he has gone bald                        
and his head                                          
looks very strange

He combs the hair that is left      thinking it might help
and it grows   as he combs it
He sees a few strands        of forest green
as it lengthens
then more strands    of Kelly green
It gets greener         and brighter
as he combs out        the tangles
until it is fluorescent
                               day glow
                                                green bice

He asks his wife                                                           
               if someone has   put bleach in his hair
He wonders     how he can go to work
                               with this kind of hair
but he knows    he can

                 because              others have

.

.

Anagrams

Baudahilia and Bormahna

come walking

                                                                    a stimulus

Baudahilia gives to Pahn

                                a scrambled word

Bormahna looks in Pahn’s eyes

in her questioning way

Baudahilia turns to leave

without unscrambling

Pahn can’t figure out

the word she gave

…

At Lake Tahoe                                                                        

in the snow

Pahn comes to a counter                                                         

the kind of place                                       

where skates   

    would be rented             

but

he has come                            

to get dressed

Rakhehla                                                         

is the clerk       

    helping people                                                             

      with their clothes            

Pahn sees her doubt                                                              

leading to distraction

He sees her trust                                        

open to betray

She doesn’t want this job                                                    

   She is being funny                                                                 

She is worried                         

depressed underneath

There are things                                               

she can’t figure out

Aiks      Eeunks      and Daphnis                                                                            

are behind Pahn                                                                                       

         He can’t decide what to wear                                                                                                               

Going behind the counter                                                                              

to a stall                                                          

      rummaging around his clothes                                                                                    

in a bag on the floor                                                                

                        like an anagram

he finds a pair of jeans                                                                                   

The stall has no door                                                                

Rakhehla’s supervisor                                                       

is standing near                        

A female customer                                                         

is looking in                             

Pahn feels                                                                                

that he shouldn’t undress                                                           

in front of these people                                     

but he slips off his shorts

and changes anyway

Rakhehla                                                                                 

needs his help                                                  

    She needs                                                                           

   to talk to him                                                

                       

   She has been fired                                                                                        

She missed too many days                                                       

She was too scattered

                                               

Pahn feels guilty

thinking

                         he distracted her further

She is talking to her boss—                                                      

Charlie Rose                           

Pahn is  uncertain now

what it is that Rakhehla does here

  She suggests                                                                          

  that she is good at filling in                                                

     She wants a job                                                                                          

  filling in for others                                                              

  Charlie says                                                                           

“Yes

you are good at filling in”

   and he says                                                                          

“You can have the job”

…

Pahn and his family                                                                                                              

    are driving around a town    that is a cross      between          

     his childhood    and Lake Tahoe                                                             

                                                                       with damp coastal air                                                        

They stop at various stores                                                                          

but never find                                                  

what they are looking for                               

…

Pahn is at work                                                                                                

with a woman                                                                          

   like a therapist for someone else                                                   

gray                

and rounded                            

                        gnome-like                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

she calls Pahn     “Jonathon”                                                                              

    but     before he can explain who he is                                 

           the fire alarm sounds                                                   

     He goes outside with the gray woman                                                                          

    to where a crowd of co-workers has gathered          

    They find Jehmz                                                                                                                                      

Jehmz is looking to the West                                                                                  

     and soon everyone                                                                                 

  is pointing to a grassy hill                                                        

partly obscured by trees                                   

where there is  

an old

but well kept house

with smoke

                              coming from its chimney

muffled explosions

coughing fumes

Pahn sees now                                                

that it has become a large factory

made of tan brick               

                                          He is thinking it must be a dream

                        because one building

                        can’t change

                        into another

                          but                                                                                                      

                        this can’t be a dream                                     

                          because                                                                                   

                        he is at work                                                   

                                and work is of the real world  

imploding

professionally

demolished

though everyone is cheering                                                          

Aiks       who has appeared behind them                                                     

expresses sadness           

  and loss         

Pahn doesn’t share her feelings of loss                        

because the building                                                           

though it was old

wasn’t very pretty                                      

  and no longer had a use                                 

Going back a different way                                                                           

Pahn parts company                                                         

with the gray woman                                    

finally telling her his real name—

Their meeting     he thinks

has not gone well

It was mixed up     and interrupted

like letters of a word

                        interposed

                        and separated

…

Pahn enters an unfamiliar university                                                         

                        with anticipation

exploring                                                         

through a double door                            

into an auditorium       

in the back                                                      

there is a class    behind a curtain                                       

emanating the sounds    of dance instruction        

He has a sense that Rakhehla is there                                                               

and walks back to see                                                              

  The building is large                                                                                        

and empty

like the factory                                                 

that was demolished

It is the kind of place                                                                                       

that Rakhehla                                                  

would be drawn to                                 

At the back                                                      

the class begins                                                                        

                                                                                               

and Pahn is not wanted                                                            

He turns to go                                                                        

but the room has filled                                                          

   with basketball players                                                            

                        shooting hoops                        

Pahn doesn’t want to disturb their game                               

He knows there must be a back passage                                                           

  and goes through many doors searching                                                                       

At some point                                                  

  he is at the top of a stair that ends in a cubby

and there

he opens a vent                                                

that blows cool                        

fresh air

but there is no way out

so in the end                            

he walks                                                          

through the hall                        

carrying a beach ball        

     without looking            

        to see if anyone notices

or disapproves

     of his presence

   or his stance…

…He is in the mess                                                                                       

           walking past the counters of food                                                                

and tables of students                                                           

He finds Daphnis                                                                                   

sitting with a friend                                                              

doing an assignment                                                       

The second problem

                        he has solved—

making a word from the letters in

 “aardvark”

and

               “Alligator”       

but the first problem

                        involves

“parakeet”

and

 “hippopotamus”

and he can’t figure it out

Pahn realizes as he watches Daphnis                                                           

that he wants to know                                                              

where Rakhehla is                              

and how she is doing                                       

and he can’t concentrate                                                                             

at a loss

on his son’s problem                                                          

    and the best he can come up with                                         

is                     

“CLESE MES S”

That    can’t be right                                                                

this confusion

this guilt