Part 13: THE AFFECTION OF THE UNTAMED

Dimphna

.
Crossing ....................the channel
..............from the mind
................................................lost
..............................................accosted

there is a forest.....................................................
a labyrinth of desire............................
the melting face..............
the paralyzed limbs
the subtle voices
...............................of pines
........the absurd protection
....................................of toadstools
accompaniment
.............................of grasses
......hiding stones

clarity brings us
safe....................
..............................................and honest longing

............................we are adoring
................we are lying
........on a bed of blades
.

Lost Sequences of Personalities


In a workshop
of story fragments
Pahn sits    on the south side    of the room
in an arc of desks    listening
to Ahshehra talk and call
upon them to recite 
 and Pahn remembers     having written
something     He flips
through his papers     finding
essay pages
and long-lines of prosy
phrases       but 
Lehsohveekha    is it her?      Speaks
 first

her words are lost now

and toward the end    of her page   he hears
Dimphna’s voice
reading in unison
and recalls now        that they
have    collaborated in his fondness for them  

The class ends
and he watches them drive
toward the roundabout     in the coastal plain
  then takes    the roundabout himself…

…soon he is riding
 through the rhythm-and-blues
neighborhood    toward the bohemian
district       with an old bluesman
        on the radio   He is following
a man    on a bicycle    wearing
a faded orange-brown
blazer    who turns and smiles
back at the sound
of the song    and begins
to sway with the
 music           
And Pahn
       with the memory
of the class
with Dimphna and Lehsohveekha    behind him
now knows   
he can dance with music

he always knew he had rhythm
but was unable to express it

jumping
and popping
        his bicycle

down the block             and
        around
         the                        
          corner…

…he has arrived at the front of a store
that has the smell of recycled age—

the sharp edges and white walls
of fifties modern    plastered onto the frame
of indefinite past    eras     and layered
with post-modern decoration       It is
a palimpsest of influences—

Empire/
Eichler/
East Indian/
New England Collegiate/
Kinsey/
Adrienne Rich/
Silvia Plath/
Beatnik/
Hippie   Pahn
leaves his bike and meets a young woman     who? 
in front of the store  and picks up   there
a bounteous tangled soft   
               hank of dull orange yarn
                                 that he holds in his arms
                          like a child
dragging the loose loops
through the damp dirt 
                                         laughing
                                  with the woman
                     and making jokes
of realizing      it was left there
because the end had been vomited on       Swiftly
and confidently          he swings his hand
through the strands
like a sharp knife
through soba noodles
                                                    freeing
the clean and happy
                                               from the bedraggled
 
                                                And Pahn
is so happy in the woman’s company
                                                           that he says
they should marry…

…he is inside the store             Rakhehla
is with him now      suggesting another woman whom 
Pahn met years ago

but as
he peruses the rooms—

a vague venue
of books and paintings
                                  objet d’art 
                  and gauzy second-hand clothes—

he flirts
                                                      with the Rakhehla-woman
saying beautiful things
                                to her    as she shifts
in and out of various loves    of Pahn
                                                                   slowly
gravitating into Dimphna

 and after a while
he is so happy with her             that he suggests
that they should marry also
                                                but
reminds himself        and her
that he has just suggested the same
to the other woman
                                    outside 

It is getting late
                     and she in her shy
                               contented amour     says
good-night to Pahn     and goes
to another room
where she lies down
       sleepily
and happily
recounting to Rakhehla the lines of poetry
                                 that he has spoken to her
of how beautiful and loving
                                             they were

                                                                       and she drifts
                                                into a topographic sleep

while 
Pahn slowly lifts
                                             above the building
 
seeing the first woman fade
 into a valley like Egairia
on a geologic map       a small
        and level
glade in metamorphic terrain
 
seeing the second woman fade
into a valley like Djuturna
thin
and gentle

                   of light felsic terrain
    sloping
              gently
to the East

Squirrel

.
Pahn is walking about his pastures
accompanied
periodically
by Daphnis
and other children ....A squirrel
flits around them like a cat ...seeming
to ignore them .....but
staying close by

At one point the children ....excited
by the squirrel’s friendly
proximity .....reach
to pet him on the branch of a tree
Pahn is worried that the squirrel ..which is wild
might bite them.....
but they can’t resist reaching
....................................out to touch
The squirrel stays docile
................but is uncomfortable
with their petting against ...the nap
.............................................of its fur

Pahn sits .....in an armchair
.........................in his field ...among
the lichened boulders
and oaks .......to sew
and lets his head back ..........to rest ..The squirrel
comes and stands
on the arm
in its edge-of-calm
....cat-like ..sort of way
and Pahn..................................
can feel its frantic
heart-beat and panting.........
Pahn reaches slowly
.................to its head ....brushing
its fur gently
down its neck.................

and the squirrel flutters
calmly.....................................
from ...under his hand.........
...................hopping
about ...the chair
as if taking an interest
....................................in the sewing

It climbs down .....into Pahn’s lap
nibbling incomprehensibly
the jeans at his crotch

Pahn is afraid
but he can’t think
of any reason
that the creature would bite there ....so
keeps to his calm

and the squirrel .....eventually
stops and rests
.......affectionately
........in his lap
as Pahn gently caresses..................
................its back

Pahn wants..............................
to tell Ahlmah ..of his success

because Ahlmah
is untamed by him .....and he thinks
he could sit calmly at her side
and she would bring her affection to him


and soon he is standing.........
....and walking
................................through his meadow
talking warmly
with a woman

but it is Mayahri..............
.............................not Ahlmah
.

Mayahri

.
impulses from the ivory glow
growing
fatter
then thinner ..finally
a sliver ..........of bright crescent

..............................................we are floating

..........we are wanting to disappear
we are returning .....full ....slimming
............................................away

pulling the water’s..............................
fondness onto shore..........
easily loved ..we are


........................out of reach

.

They Draw Still Closer


Pahn is driving a giant
          yellow excavator
Seeing Djuturna        by his play structure he stops
                   his large machine
at a safe distance    and walks over to her

He is standing
                      beside her

                   Egairia

who has left her husband

is nearby         watching Djuturna’s young son
and Heemir (or Dave Van Ronk?) and others
are standing     across from them
 
                                                   Pahn

                            wants to touch Djuturna 

He is wondering            
            how he may    touch her
             
                  in this public place

He remembers
 how she has put her hand on his arm
and rubbed his back  
                and so he thinks      he       may also 
  and
            reaches his arm             to rest
                                                            softly
                                                         against her
 
He doesn’t know if that is enough

He lets his hand slide
around her side
and feels her body rising
                          through his arm
                                                     to his heart
                        his hand
sinking into her waist

  He wants to pull her together with him

but restrains himself
 
                                           Over by his fence
Djuturna’s young son is climbing a ladder 
Pahn      is surprised that Egairia
               is letting him climb 
The toddler ascends to the top rung              and teeters 
there while Egairia
             lost
                        in thought stares             at the fence           
                                touches the vines on the slats 

Pahn      is surprised
that she            is not paying attention
                     and surprised
that Djuturna is not watching              He sees

the boy fall
straight down  to the ground
 landing on his feet             

            Pahn steps away
 from Djuturna         and walks
  toward the little boy
 
on his way      he is taken aside by Heemir
who tells him quietly
that he is crazy
                                                to hold back from Djuturna 
that it is obvious
Djuturna wants him
              and that he is being mean
                         to not let her have him

Pahn goes to the boy     picking him up
bumping the boys head against the ladder (he thinks)
                                 But the boy is happy
                                                             to be lifted

He carries him back to Djuturna
and hearing Heemir’s voice in his ear
kisses her
on the mouth 

Pahn    and Djuturna
are chastened
                by the intensity

                               of their kiss

He sees himself
          with her inside             his head

                              floating

               in stippled                     
                 grey      making love                        
                                           and knows                
                                         and knows

                                                   and knows

but he still feels                                   
 constrained






                                                               to hold her


ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS


Some of these poems originally appeared in the following publications

Avocet
Dream International Quarterly
mojo risin'
The Muse Apprentice Guild (The MAG)
Transfer

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