A Partial Thaw

.
…Pahn is driving a pickup   turning into
the cul-de-sac of                                 
the damp spring in                     
the mid-century wealthy neighborhood
followed by                              
a full truck of lumber    

Pahn sees                                                                   
the house of                                                  
his nice neighbors                           
where he has come to work   dismounting  
onto the brick drive    Those nice neighbors
come out of the house       to

show him                                                   
the problem—rotting headers
of squandered redwood  and thin gray balusters
of a fence
 
                without support

Pahn pulls out the disintegration
with a mattock   and moves
into the back yard
 
               Looking into the far areas of the property
he sees many Mexican people                       
wearing clean   dark   clothing

men and women working
                   and socializing
in the semblance of a community

Past                                                           
the warm people
                   the women’s long hair
       and   the men’s   respect for him
he comes to a pit of construction   and
walks down into it   relaying   instructions
                                                     in Spanish—
his social position wavering with his accent
They are shoveling                              
white powder onto a ramp          
covered with grape pomace
                                    Pahn yells
to Mehtztlee   to try to keep the powder
out of the pit…

…Paddling a boat…

…walking away into a bathroom
Pahn is followed                                         
by a thin young woman
like a daughter
or a lover..with straight black hair
that carries the warmth
of love     and
smooth dark arms   that
hold acceptance      and
she sits on Pahn’s lap in a stall 
 Pahn is thinking of the woman’s place
in her community and how it is affected by
her behavior and how she has been generous
to come in
to him
and he senses that he has acquired the strength of her
health and allure
            and it excites him
 Outside they hear the men   debating
as to whether Pahn is a man
(a Mexican)     or not
They really can’t tell                                                    
but what they mean
has nothing to do
with his gender
                                       A man
in the next stall
                     looks through the cracks
and seeing Pahn’s beard
he calls out to the others
that Pahn is a man

As they quiz the man
                                  on how he can tell
                               and he explains about the beard
the woman gets up from Pahn’s lap
and steps outside    to tell them
that Pahn
is indeed
                    very much
a man

she could feel his penis harden beneath her

and they are convinced
because they figure
                 that she would know better

     than anyone   now

…

Pahn is climbing a cascade                                     
                 on an island
                                          in a large lake
with fallen logs for bridges

He makes his way further
               up a granite monument

on a trail
                      made of log ladders
                                        with pictures of famous
American Indians
 
                                each representing an extant tribe

and
                     when he reaches the top
looking back over the lake
                                                  he walks into the air
to discuss policy
                       with the people in charge
 
                         on the subject of immigration

and because   their policy will mean
that the smaller tribes
                  will be lost in the multitudes
he goes in anger and defiance
to remove their pictures
                           and mourn the loss of their history
                                and their faces which he had found

beautiful
and to mourn as well
                           the un-crowded time when they

lived…

…Pahn says to himself
“It was easy for us to climb the cascade

           but it is not so easy to build a road

back down”          

and then to the photographs he says
        “We don’t have to take the same path

as long as it works
                  as long as we get there”
but they are stymied...and lost

Looking back
Pahn sees a blond little girl                                 

Like Annie Oakley as a child
 
                     frozen into the granite screen
And he keeps her in mind
as he leaves the island 
       to fill drums with gasoline
for the construction
His hand                                                          
moves over the monitor
gliding over the lake
and he sees how pleasant   and relaxed
his neighbors are   and how warm
             and down to earth   are his co-workers
and he wants

to free the blond little girl
with braids now
from her place in the monument
 
                                              Moving

through the air above the boat
then reaching his destination    his hand
clicks on her icon    and
she comes to life     
                                                         He is glad
like he has never felt gladness before
because she is free to feel these people—
the ones
who have been freed before her—to feel
their hands   and arms   And
he can imagine them                                          
reaching inside of him
to hold his vital organs
as he is opened             
and the tightness
in his chest

                drains
away

.

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