Eithnia

.

Light                                      
fabric of attraction        straight
layered                                                                                 
fluttering   
distilled                                                                    
distinct                                                      
shades of blue       ripe         
berries from her throat              
white keys        thin                                                   
fingers   
                                                    the notes
sound          in          
the branches                                    
of green                       
                                  and silver        vermicula         bent curving
 
           woven

newts                                                
crawling                                                              
beneath us                 the damp                         
woodland floor                                             

spring drizzle                 
 
                                                         maritime air

through        
                       the windows
of caves                             

sweetens                   
our                  

arms    

.

.

An Old Girlfriend

.

     a family                                                                    
is coming in   as                       
Pahn finishes his dinner                     
with his comrades                      
at the back of a restaurant

The wooded canyon
with its floor of brown
and yellow ..bay leaves
in a blue light
like a sad and quiet love
cools
behind them

The members of the family talk and laugh
                                           subdued as
they find their places                           
and the last one comes smiling thinly—in his memory                                                                                
a woman from his twenties (Eithnia)
who he tried to keep
and lost completely
And a desire

                              like gravity
asks him     to go to her
and talk     while
                                                             a resistance—
                                                                     a shyness
makes him afraid

Pahn’s friends rise    and leave 
                                                                 and his reluctance is overcome

He goes to her                                                          
telling her his name                    
and explaining who he is
taking off his hat
                                                  to see if she’ll
                                                                       know him
      waiting for her reply

She looks at him and looks away

She has put her head down                                                                     

The sense                                                                                          
of her family’s conversation now                              
                            comes around the table
of a loss in the family

and Pahn looks down at her
                           asking with uncertainty

“Are you grieving”

And she responds                                                    
“Yes

My mother died

She died of breast cancer”

Pahn bends down to her ear                                                                   
with his hand on her back     
patting             
  and caressing

The fear from her body    and his
drains
onto the floor                                                    
and into the canyon                                                               
the canyon     that he walked in
alone and with friends—

the canyon that cools their lives
                       with its hard water and damp shade
the stream rippling soundless
in the blacks and the grays
of the wet gravel

and the dark flashing trout
that hide among the boulders

and her blue woolen sweater
that warms and soothes him

And his hands that were useless
to hold her then
cover her body with solace.

.

Poems

.

…leaving Leenaiyos
and Kohmohss
without discussion
Pahn rides his bicycle
into his old district neighborhood

Blossom-hill

Oak-meadow

the tracts
that supplanted the orchards
forty years before                                                            he knows them well
                                                              these dark and wooded roads
                                                              of Eithnia’s neighborhood
with their tar and gravel
and rounded curbs
dewy lawns
and daily papers
                                                             almost
                                                              like the damp fringes
                                                            around a pond
He rides to the grocery store
                                                         meeting Aiks
                                                        who takes him to Nordstrom’s

He sees Pitteuss    and Pluta

He is looking for long underwear
                                                          unable
to find his size       embarrassed
wonders if                                they are wondering why
                                                         he is not at work   and if they asked
he would                             
                                                      explain
that he has an appointment
at 9:30—

he looks at the clock
It is time to go
            he tells Aiks

and he walks
                                                  into the library

The priestess comes
but Pahn can’t afford her beauty
and can’t afford health                       
so
                                                  goes back to work to spend
                                                                         time with Yaohwa…

…Athehna comes out of the winery       in the rain
Pahn is surprised
                                          that she has come to see him
                                                                             In bad weather

“There you are”
she says
“I read your poem”
and she hugs him

He knows it is because
                                     of something she saw

but in a moment           
                                                                  he realizes that he is dreaming…

…Standing with Egairia
Pahn wants to give her
                                                            more than conversation

all he has is a poem of a dream
                                                                                           and he knows
                                                             that she doesn’t read poetry
so


quickly
oddly

he conjures                    an African sea captain
 
                    who walks
 
                up the
                 stamped 
           concrete
                     in a Greek
      hat
                   buttoned
       coat
     and
                  greets her

He will interpret….

.

Before Marrying Eithnia

…Pahn has come into a house  He is talking to Aiks or a woman resembling her

He goes out the front door     looking back at the house 

which is old white     with red trim  

The sun is low in the south      shining

 hard against the slats

 

Pahn goes next door    to the garage

which has stood unused

for many months            thinking

that the space

might be good for something             but when

he opens the door

it is half filled with dry        tan dirt           and

 is broken open

             to the ally behind

 

Pahn wonders if kids

have been coming in

         and breaking things

…

Pahn is lying in bed

comfortable      his legs

           beneath ample covers

and his head

                                     against a woman’s breast  

He tilts his head slightly

                   putting his lips against her nipple

and pulling it into his mouth    with

                                              a long damp kiss  

As he drags his lips

around her areola      the friction

makes a squeak         and she

almost in gentle accusation   asks

“What was that sound”

Pahn pulls doubtfully away

     considering a response            but decides

that none is needed

and returns to her breast

           slowly pushing her over

so that she is down against the pillow

and he can bring

                         his body on top of her  

In a moment they are reversed

 with his hands

sliding up and down her naked sides           and onto

the small of her back              and she says to him

as encouragement

 “You like to kiss and caress

but you don’t like to make love” 

He smiles up at her      seeing that she has become

Eithnia              

        and assures her

“I like to make love”

He is surprised at her hurry

…

Pahn is sitting in a theater

  

         In the row ahead       Eithnia

                                          is sitting with a friend

                               talking about

                       the accoutrements of 

 marriage                       

  

Eithnia is confident

                                 as a woman who has found

her mate 

Pahn is running through his mind

                           the certainties of their engagement 

              wondering

if he has forgotten something important 

It occurs to him

that he knows

                                nothing of the way she manages

 money

and he leans forward to ask her

mischievously of her nature

in finance

 

She appears

                                    to feel insulted

and he tries to return the mood

to the joviality of before

                                by lifting her hair      and 

whispering

            apologetically

                                 in her ear

but she waves away his concern       saying

“It’s OK

now I know I don’t have to worry” 

and when he asks what she means      she explains

“When I was a kid

I used to worry what would happen

if I ever lost my house

because

hotels were so expensive

            but now I know                                                           

that hotels aren’t really that expensive” 

Pahn doesn’t understand

The show ends

and they all get up

and go outside

                                              where he loses them in a

 crowd

He looks over to where their car is

searching for her dark hair …

Vague and Scattered Betrothals

Pahn is standing with a woman 

Her legs show beneath

her tan leather dress     the color

                              of a leaf

                          on the forest floor 

She is friendly

                              and amorous…

…they are lying in the bed on the floor of her room…

…She is kneeling over him 

He feels her warmth               

and dampness                                      

as she eases herself                                         

down onto him                                                         

He feels the faint buzzing                                       

as he flexes              

and relaxes                           

               He feels his body open

  

    from his thighs              

              to his chest     His heart

             lies motionless in his throat

                                                         and he swells

with air           his sex in a knot

                                              rising

  He tells her             

                 that he may be

                                                      more successful on top

                                           and is thinking

                 of kneeling behind her

                but rolls over

                                                 with her instead    and pushes

       between her legs

                                       a few times

                                                               and bursts

As he lies on top

of her lifting

the blanket with his back

and slowly

sliding over by her side                     he struggles

 to remember her name—Sekwia

                                         Esentia

                                             Sukaya

Sequaya

though he would pronounce it as Sequoia

He has become sure

and the name

                    sticks in his mind…

…He walks around thinking of Sequaya…

…Sequaya is

                     pregnant

with Pahn’s child         and he wants

to marry her

                                   but he is not sure if he may 

He vaguely thinks

that he might already

                     be married

or that he is betrothed

to someone else—   

there is             

                  someone else in his mind

                             that he could marry instead…

…He is walking

on a flooded street

as he worries

that he may not be able

to properly support

Sequaya’s child

and another family as well 

Across the street he sees

a small pear tree

turning yellow and scarlet

from the autumn cold                

 He thinks it is a good tree for

his coming marriage    because

 it has stayed small

 and it is very pretty 

He remembers though

that in other places

with more fertile soil

it can grow quite large—

too large for a small yard 

He thinks he may need

a bigger

more ragged woman…

…he is standing on a road by a creek looking at the erosion 

that occurred while the water was high

wondering why they have not

put cobbles or boulders in the vulnerable places

to keep the soil from washing out

Marriages

                     and proposals

leaves             

                                 and stems

Dimphna                      

flits

                  flying

Eithnia

                fades into

the covers       into

the trees

                                                   a scattering

of betrothals                          

comes

                                in the rain

a landscape

                       of potential love

unsecured affections

                             gathering

                                                to hover around

Pahn overwhelmed                        

By his high water