He brings Kalista
young and
friendly
to the pale and faded room
empty with small children’s
toys spilled and
abandoned
old
curtains
for close conversation and hugs
Sometimes when they have come
Pahn has sensed Penelopeya
ghosting
in the back rooms Sometimes
he
is aware that Aiks is there somewhere
This time Aiks calls to him…
…He goes and speaks to her briefly casually
unconcerned… …and returns
Now
the room appears vacant but for a
sheet
as
if thrown over a chair
He lifts the edge and pulls it over his head and
finds Kalista her
shoulders bare
crying
Pahn holds her and asks “Why are you crying”
She sobs “You didn’t tell me you
were married”
Pahn aches with guilt and sympathy
that he fears he will never slough
Pahn imagines saying to her
that his wife
has always been in the house when they have come
but he can’t remember if the
two have
ever actually seen each other
there…
…He is called away again returns again
but now she is truly gone…
…He looks in the next
room also empty
wall to wall
carpet
floor to floor
curtains
His
feet feel water through his socks
He looks up to see holes in the
ceiling by the wall
with icicles melting into the
room
He imagines the rot
He imagines the repairs
that need to be done
to keep out the cold
Returning to the other room for
clues
he finds papers she has dropped
with scribbled numbers
and illegible phrases
and her name
which he sees
she
has spelled with a Q—it looks like “Qalisca”
but it is too hard to read.
He wishes that he could read it all
and know all about her
He looks where she was sitting
on the window seat
and finds her keys…
…Outside
he searches for her
in the light and June snow
He is not bothered by the snow out
of season…
…Inside
the first doorway he finds
a
sort of shelter for women
—almost
a hospital
He searches the corridor comes back
and turns in to a large room
with plastic curtains along a side
and a reception area
There is a woman walking by and
he asks her
“Where is Kalista?
She motions to the curtains.
He is shy of peeking in
so calls sweetly and playfully
“Kalista
Kalista
I have your keys”
She comes out quickly without expression
and takes the keys saying “Thank you”
returning to her curtained refuge
The woman that he saw before comes back and scolds him
half angry half friendly
for being a man
He
wants to talk to Kalista
to smooth things over
to reassure her
to regain the love that they felt
for each other
that he had thought was innocent
He
goes back to the house to find more clues
but finds only unfamiliar fragments
of a someone’s childhood
Later
When
I remember this story
I think for a moment
that Pahn was born with a permanently broken
heart
but
that thought is too sad and pessimistic
so I scuttle it
